I made myself come straight to my blog as soon as I got on to the internet because I knew that if I didn't I would just end up wasting time doing distractive things - such as checking my email, facebook, reading other peoples blogs etc... Which are all very well and that but they don't really help. They just distract me for a while but there's no lasting effect. When I have too much time to think, I can just as easily get down again.
It's really sad to admit this but recently I'm often happier when I'm at work than when I'm not. That's sad. And the novelty of working in a library has worn off - so although I do enjoy my job, it is in a way still just a job. Admittedly it is a job that I like better than any of the other jobs I've had. But it's not like it's incredibly fulfilling and I jump out of bed wanting to got to work each morning. I like it, that's enough.
The reason I've been down often is I've been feeling lonely. Not really in the sense of 'I miss having a boyfriend' but just generally. I miss having someone to talk to; and I miss having someone to do things with. I don't seem to catch up with friends as much anymore and/or I feel out of place. I also don't think living on my own is good for me anymore. I used to love it, but I think it has the tendency to increase my tendency to withdraw into myself when I'm not feeling good. This does not help matters.
The trouble with getting down about it though, is that I'm in a sense paralysed. I don't do anything about it, I just feel bad. I don't know, I feel like I should do something. Arrange to catch up with people or something, but...
A few weeks ago, I tried to arrange to catch up with two different friends (separately), and in both cases the arrangements fell though (for various reasons). At the time I was really disappointed. Actually that's a bit of an understatement. Since then I haven't tried to arrange to catch up with anyone.
I can't believe I'm still hurting out this, but I am.
gtg back later.
Sunday 29 June 2008
Sunday 22 June 2008
Thoughts
Today I am tired. I don't know what to write. Going to the fruit and veg markets in Subi has worn me out. They were so busy - even more packed full of people than they are normally. It was really quite stressful. Last night was good. I went out for dinner with friends who I hadn't seen for a while. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. It was good for me. I needed that.
I have been a bit up and down recently. More down than up, unfortunately. Yesterday went towards addressing that imbalance but only a bit. I worked on my day off (wed) this week. That wasn't such a good idea. I would have benefited more from having the day off.
My original plan in coming in to use the internet, was to write about this book I read over the past few days. The book's called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Basically it starts by saying that different people have different ways of feeling/showing love and then it discusses these 5 "love languages" as he calls them. Everyone has one main love language which is the key to feeling that other people care about them. If their need for emotional love is not being met through their love language then it doesn't matter what else others do, they still won't feel loved. It's like giving someone a bunch of flowers, when all they want is a hug (or some help around the house, or...).
These are: (I'll use his labels for them)
1. Words of Affirmation (telling them you appreciate them, any positive comments)
2. Quality Time (doing things with them, quality conversation - ie listening)
3. Receiving Gifts (self evident, surely)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for them, helping them with stuff)
5. Physical Touch (also self-evident - hugs etc)
In this book he approaches it from a marriage counselling point of view, but I think it has much much wider applications than that. So many things in my life suddenly made a whole lot more sense. Reading the chapter about my love language (quality time) on Friday night actually upset me a lot because I realised how badly I wasn't getting what I need. But awareness is at least the first step.
I don't think I am doing a very good job of explaining the concepts but I assure you it was excellent - go read it! I found so many things fell into place as I read it.
I'd love to write more and edit this post so it's better written, but they're kicking me out so I gtg.
Au revoir.
I have been a bit up and down recently. More down than up, unfortunately. Yesterday went towards addressing that imbalance but only a bit. I worked on my day off (wed) this week. That wasn't such a good idea. I would have benefited more from having the day off.
My original plan in coming in to use the internet, was to write about this book I read over the past few days. The book's called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Basically it starts by saying that different people have different ways of feeling/showing love and then it discusses these 5 "love languages" as he calls them. Everyone has one main love language which is the key to feeling that other people care about them. If their need for emotional love is not being met through their love language then it doesn't matter what else others do, they still won't feel loved. It's like giving someone a bunch of flowers, when all they want is a hug (or some help around the house, or...).
These are: (I'll use his labels for them)
1. Words of Affirmation (telling them you appreciate them, any positive comments)
2. Quality Time (doing things with them, quality conversation - ie listening)
3. Receiving Gifts (self evident, surely)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for them, helping them with stuff)
5. Physical Touch (also self-evident - hugs etc)
In this book he approaches it from a marriage counselling point of view, but I think it has much much wider applications than that. So many things in my life suddenly made a whole lot more sense. Reading the chapter about my love language (quality time) on Friday night actually upset me a lot because I realised how badly I wasn't getting what I need. But awareness is at least the first step.
I don't think I am doing a very good job of explaining the concepts but I assure you it was excellent - go read it! I found so many things fell into place as I read it.
I'd love to write more and edit this post so it's better written, but they're kicking me out so I gtg.
Au revoir.
Wednesday 11 June 2008
Stuff
Recently I'm finding it harder to make time to write posts for my blog. Working takes up a fair portion of the spare time I used to have, but there are other less obvious obstructions. The first of these is I am trying to wean myself off using the internet at uni, as I am officially unenrolled now and it's only a matter of time before my internet account is locked. This means that I'm restricted to using the internet during public library opening hours which are mostly during the times I work. Also I'm now earning enough to have more than a bare bones survivalistic existance, which means I can actually go shopping in my spare time that otherwise could be used for blogging.
It's rather novel to be able to go shopping again. Ironically now that I can actually afford to buy things (well... within reason), I don't seem to have much spare time to go shopping. This is probably a good thing however as I don't want to get in the habit of wasting the money I earn. But on the other hand, I've been on a student sized income for so long, that I have a huge backlist built up of things that "I'll buy when I have some spare cash". For the kitchen alone:
griddle pan, proper chefs knife, bread knife, wok, salad spinner, second chopping board, another wooden spoon, more cutlery, a pan (or several) that can go both on the stove and in the oven, roasting tray, simmer ring, the list goes on...
Other areas of life have similarly long lists of things that cost money.
Clothing (all kinds)
Things to go to (So you think you can dance tour, Cinderella on Ice, the Da Vinci machines exhibition)
Things to do (ballroom dancing lessons, singing lessons, language classes, travel, massages)
Are these things absolutely necessary? Well clearly the answer is no, as I've lived without them so far, but...
It's really cool having a real income. I'm not quite used to it yet and in a way I hope I don't get used to it. It's nice to have this feeling of earning more than I need to survive (As a comparison measure, I'm earning a little under double what I used to earn from casual work while studying). However I know that it's very easy for one's "necessary" expenses to expand to fill up any increase in your income, that's why people (typically) find it so hard to save money. It's often quoted that people generally believe that the amount of money they really need is 10% more than they're earning, regardless of whether they earn $300/week or $3000.
To avoid falling into the pattern of spending everything I earn (or more), I'm following some of the recommendations laid out in the book The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason. Excellent book - I highly recommend it. I'd also recommend How to get what you want in life with the money you already have by Carol Keeffe. In some regards, it's rather dated (ie the cost of a block of land in one of the examples she talks about), but most of the advice is timeless and excellent.
Every fortnight direct after getting paid, I immediately transfer a fixed percentage of my income into online savings account where the money is not immediately accessible. Another percentage goes directly toward paying down the credit card debt built up from periods when I wasn't working. It's not a big debt but as the interest on it is simply money down the drain, getting rid of it is a priority. (And for the record: if you don't have a credit card I don't recommend getting one, it's too easy to spend money you don't have, even when you're determined not to. Go debit mastercard or debit visa instead.)
Then I live off the rest of my income. While I still have the experience of getting to the end of the fortnight without any money left over, I'm not worried about that because I know I've already taken care of putting aside money for the things that are important to me.
It's rather novel to be able to go shopping again. Ironically now that I can actually afford to buy things (well... within reason), I don't seem to have much spare time to go shopping. This is probably a good thing however as I don't want to get in the habit of wasting the money I earn. But on the other hand, I've been on a student sized income for so long, that I have a huge backlist built up of things that "I'll buy when I have some spare cash". For the kitchen alone:
griddle pan, proper chefs knife, bread knife, wok, salad spinner, second chopping board, another wooden spoon, more cutlery, a pan (or several) that can go both on the stove and in the oven, roasting tray, simmer ring, the list goes on...
Other areas of life have similarly long lists of things that cost money.
Clothing (all kinds)
Things to go to (So you think you can dance tour, Cinderella on Ice, the Da Vinci machines exhibition)
Things to do (ballroom dancing lessons, singing lessons, language classes, travel, massages)
Are these things absolutely necessary? Well clearly the answer is no, as I've lived without them so far, but...
It's really cool having a real income. I'm not quite used to it yet and in a way I hope I don't get used to it. It's nice to have this feeling of earning more than I need to survive (As a comparison measure, I'm earning a little under double what I used to earn from casual work while studying). However I know that it's very easy for one's "necessary" expenses to expand to fill up any increase in your income, that's why people (typically) find it so hard to save money. It's often quoted that people generally believe that the amount of money they really need is 10% more than they're earning, regardless of whether they earn $300/week or $3000.
To avoid falling into the pattern of spending everything I earn (or more), I'm following some of the recommendations laid out in the book The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason. Excellent book - I highly recommend it. I'd also recommend How to get what you want in life with the money you already have by Carol Keeffe. In some regards, it's rather dated (ie the cost of a block of land in one of the examples she talks about), but most of the advice is timeless and excellent.
Every fortnight direct after getting paid, I immediately transfer a fixed percentage of my income into online savings account where the money is not immediately accessible. Another percentage goes directly toward paying down the credit card debt built up from periods when I wasn't working. It's not a big debt but as the interest on it is simply money down the drain, getting rid of it is a priority. (And for the record: if you don't have a credit card I don't recommend getting one, it's too easy to spend money you don't have, even when you're determined not to. Go debit mastercard or debit visa instead.)
Then I live off the rest of my income. While I still have the experience of getting to the end of the fortnight without any money left over, I'm not worried about that because I know I've already taken care of putting aside money for the things that are important to me.
Wednesday 4 June 2008
Keeping busy
I haven't written a blog post for ages. I've just been busy doing stuff, really. So I thought I'd put down a brief summary of the past few weeks. I really should go home and cook something for dinner but if I don't write something now, who knows when I'll get round to it.
____
Over the long weekend Brightbear* and I drove up to Kalgoorlie to visit Thia*. This is really quite a long drive. (Well... by my standards at least which typically involve stopping for break at least once on the way down to Busselton). Despite that it was good and I enjoyed the time spent up there.
*If you don't know who these nicknames refer to, you probably don't need to know. BB & T if you want me to remove the link, just let me know.
Thia cooked us lots of yummy food (stuff that I could eat too without feeling bleh - bonus!), and introduced us to the joys of two word games called Bananagrams and Bookworm Adventures. Racing Demons (like competitive solitaire) was also played, of course. I really enjoyed this, as recently I'd been thinking that I miss playing cards and board games.
We were entertained by dvds (Enchanted) and Thia jamming on the cello we brought her. "Name a song. Any song..." got Waltzing Matilda, Away in the Manger and the Lord of the Rings theme, among others.
Meeting crazy entertaining teachers was cool. Overly loud dance music at Kalgoorlie pub not so cool and reminded me why I don't like 'going out' in the usual sense of the phrase. There's essentially two reasons: 1) generally I don't really like dance/techno music. Give me oldies (70s/80s/90s) music to dance to any day. 2) when the music's too loud it really grates on me after a while. I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to noise than most people or what, but I prefer my music at a volume that you can still have a conversation with the person next to you if you raise your voice a bit. I know, I know, I'm a bit of an old grandma in this regard.
So if anyone wonders why I prefer to stay home or going to Gilks rather than going out dancing/clubbing with you, that's why. It's not because I don't like you or (non-ballroom) dancing. Really :-/
Right now back to the weekend. All in all it was a really good weekend. Next time though (assuming there is a next time), I'd like to have more time off work to do it in. Only having three days off meant we spent a significant part of two of those days driving. But it was worth it nonetheless.
_____
The weekend before last I went to the Circus. Silver's Grand Magic Circus, to be precise. Having been to both Cirque du Soleil and Circus Oz in the past two years, I wasn't expecting that great things of Silver's but they were way better than I thought they'd be. They've moved their big top down to Rockingham now, and I'd recommend them.
gtg I'll finish later.
____
Over the long weekend Brightbear* and I drove up to Kalgoorlie to visit Thia*. This is really quite a long drive. (Well... by my standards at least which typically involve stopping for break at least once on the way down to Busselton). Despite that it was good and I enjoyed the time spent up there.
*If you don't know who these nicknames refer to, you probably don't need to know. BB & T if you want me to remove the link, just let me know.
Thia cooked us lots of yummy food (stuff that I could eat too without feeling bleh - bonus!), and introduced us to the joys of two word games called Bananagrams and Bookworm Adventures. Racing Demons (like competitive solitaire) was also played, of course. I really enjoyed this, as recently I'd been thinking that I miss playing cards and board games.
We were entertained by dvds (Enchanted) and Thia jamming on the cello we brought her. "Name a song. Any song..." got Waltzing Matilda, Away in the Manger and the Lord of the Rings theme, among others.
Meeting crazy entertaining teachers was cool. Overly loud dance music at Kalgoorlie pub not so cool and reminded me why I don't like 'going out' in the usual sense of the phrase. There's essentially two reasons: 1) generally I don't really like dance/techno music. Give me oldies (70s/80s/90s) music to dance to any day. 2) when the music's too loud it really grates on me after a while. I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to noise than most people or what, but I prefer my music at a volume that you can still have a conversation with the person next to you if you raise your voice a bit. I know, I know, I'm a bit of an old grandma in this regard.
So if anyone wonders why I prefer to stay home or going to Gilks rather than going out dancing/clubbing with you, that's why. It's not because I don't like you or (non-ballroom) dancing. Really :-/
Right now back to the weekend. All in all it was a really good weekend. Next time though (assuming there is a next time), I'd like to have more time off work to do it in. Only having three days off meant we spent a significant part of two of those days driving. But it was worth it nonetheless.
_____
The weekend before last I went to the Circus. Silver's Grand Magic Circus, to be precise. Having been to both Cirque du Soleil and Circus Oz in the past two years, I wasn't expecting that great things of Silver's but they were way better than I thought they'd be. They've moved their big top down to Rockingham now, and I'd recommend them.
gtg I'll finish later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)