Wednesday 24 September 2008

Status updates

Because yet again I have way too many choices but can't decide.

Jess is wrecked.

Jess would like her friends to stop her from to Fast Eddies in future because she can't handle any more sleep deprivation

I am so tired. Really, so tired I actually feel sick. Not an unexpected result - the odd times I did allnighter for a uni assignment, I used to feel sick the next day.

Jess needs someone to come round this evening. Anyone. Please bring a compassionate ear, lots of hugs, good sense of humour and a willingness to ignore the messiness of my flat.

This morning I felt like this. But I didn't put it up because, apart from not having internet access, I was worried that the wrong person might reply. There are a few people on my f-list that... well... wouldn't have helped - not that they aren't great people. They are - they just not right in this case. And of all the people I know, the one who I really wanted is working tonight, and of the others I'd prefer - well - half of them are either on facebook or not in a position to come round to my place. And I was also worried that even worse, no-one at all would want to come round.

But now:

Jess is surprisingly ok, all things considered. Well apart from feeling half dead from exhaustion

This is still true:

Jess would give anything for someone to come round, do the dishes and make her dinner tonight.

And then I was going to put on facebook:

Jess has thought of too many status updates, so she put them in her blog instead.

But I went with a combination of the first two.

I had some others as well, but I can't remember them. And anyway they're kicking us out at the library so I'd better go.

Wednesday 10 September 2008

Jess is not sure what to write...

I dragged myself down to the library this evening to write in my blog, because I knew I'm not likely to get another chance to do so until next wednesday at the earliest. But now I'm here I'm not sure what I'm going to write about. I could, of course, hang around mindlessly on facebook instead, but I do that often enough anyway. I guess I also felt kind of compelled to post something because I didn't want to leave my latest update as my last post for too long. At the time the pain was real - very real - but as it fades with time and distance, it's... no longer such an accurate representation of who I am at this moment. A blog post is a lot more permanent - or rather, a human being is a lot more changeable than this written record shows. Even facebook status updates can't keep up :-)

___________

So with this space, how is my life now?

Um... it's ok. Generally things are fairly good (fri night/sat morn excepted), but I often have this nagging sensation that something's missing or not quite right. I can't really put my finger on what it is, I have a few ideas but none I am willing to mention here and now. It's like the feeling of being in limbo in a way. Why? I don't know. I feel like I need a holiday too.

Work has signed me off my probation period and on to permanent, or whatever they call it. It's um... good. People often ask me how it's going and I'm never really sure what to say... It's a good job. I like it. A lot more than any of my previous jobs. The people are nice. The hours are good - I really like working only almost fulltime, having every wednesday off is good. Um... Not sure what else to say really. Possibly it's not challenging enough or something... - it's pretty easy-going - which I liked at first but now I wonder. Maybe I am starting to get bored. I mean there are always interesting books to look at but... *shrugs* I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don't know if I am any closer to working out what I want to do. I told myself I'd give this a year at least and then re-evaluate so yeah. I think I'd want something that stimulates me more. I know that there are some parts of it I like a lot more than others. Things like creating posters/displays, doing up the new booklists. Discussing ways to get people more involved with the library. The idea of maintaining a library blog. I also like it when I'm learning new things but then when it becomes routine, I'm not so enthused. I like variety in my work. And yet I've considered, and tried many different things but still can't work out what I want to do. Yet again I'm trying something I thought I might want to do, and once again it's not quite right.

well... I'll work it out one day I guess.
And really, it's not a bad job for now. Not in the slightest.

Saturday 6 September 2008

Some alternative facebook status updates...

...that I considered in light of the past 24 hours, but ultimately didn't use.

Jess hurts.

Jess can't bear this pain anymore.

Jess was having a good time last night, up to the point where she went home in tears.

Jess wishes it wasn't illegal to run over stupid pedestrians.


I went with: Jess is really not having a good day.
I think that said enough really.

I am kind of ok now. Relatively speaking.