I just want to share this image:

...and this blog:

http://myplasticfreelife.com/

Bag it!

So as per usual I haven't updated in ages. And I haven't done any of the many blog posts I intended to write about either. Oh well...

Today I just wanted to write a short post about the documentary I saw last night.

Did you know that in some parts of our oceans there is 40x more plastic than plankton(aka food)?

That's just one fascinating (and scary fact) that I learnt from the movie "Bag it! Is your life too plastic?". It was an excellent documentary. I think everyone (and I mean everyone!) should see this movie. It takes a serious issue, addresses it in a way that is both very compelling but also light-hearted and accessible to a general audience. It will change the way you think about plastic (in a good way).

So yes, highly recommended. Check it out.

In fact I'm so impressed with it I plan to order my own copy - so if you want to see it, let me know - I may be organising screenings.

Things and yummy things

It's been an age since I've written in this blog - getting on close to a year. And quite a lot of things have changed in my life since then (mostly for the better, although one area of my life is less than ideal). But I don't think I'll go into any details now. That's a story (or two) another time. For today I have a comment on wool crafts and a recipe for you.

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For some reason the cold weather has prompted me to pick up wool crafts again. It's a little odd because I've hardly done anything for the past few years and suddenly I'm finishing off projects from years ago and starting new ones. Mostly crochet - I've mucked around with a few knitting items, but haven't started knitting anything in earnest. So far I've finished off a hat for my dad and a scarf I started years ago, and crocheted 4 granny squares for Sarah London's Crochet a Rainbow project (where she collect granny squares from people and sews them into blankets for victims of natural disasters). I'm also re-making the first crochet hat I made which I lost 2 years ago. Luckily I had enough wool left.

I took some photos of my dad's hat so I'll (hopefully) upload them later. I'm tossing with the idea of creating a craft blog or photo album, but probably won't get around to it.

----

And finally a recipe!

My aunt gave me the recipe for her divine Thai Red Curry Salmon several years ago. I can't believe it took me until recently to actually make it myself. And now i've made it twice in the space of about a month. It is seriously heaven. And it's not even too hot - in fact if you do what I do and only use 2.5 tbsp of the curry paste, it has barely any heat at all - just this delicious full of flavour sauce.

Poached Tasmanian Salmon in a Red Thai Curry
 
Ingredients: -

350gm                 Tasmanian salmon (cut into 2cm cubes)
2 medium             Brown Onions (halved and sliced)
3                          Cloves of garlic (crushed/finely chopped)
1 piece                 Ginger (chopped small or large, depending if you want to be able to pick out the pieces later or eat them)
4 tablespoons       Red Thai Curry paste*
400ml                   Coconut cream
4 tablespoons       Fish Sauce
2-3 tablespoon     Palm sugar
1 Bunch               Thai basil (or normal basil)
1                          Lime


Method:

Heat the wok and sauté the sliced onion, garlic and ginger. 
Add the red curry paste and fry until fragrant. 
Add the coconut cream, lime juice, palm sugar and fish sauce, (also throw in the lime skins) and simmer for 1 minute. 
Adjust the seasoning to suit your own taste. 
Just before serving place the salmon into the curry and poach gently for 5 minutes only. 
Finish by adding the torn Thai basil leaves and some roughly chopped coriander if you want.

The important thing is to make sure that you don't poach the salmon for too long as otherwise it will fall apart. The aim is to get the right balance between the sweet (sugar), sour (lime) and salty (fish sauce) flavours. It is the quickest and easiest dish to prepare. You can prepare the sauce in advance and throw in the fish and herbs at the last minute to avoid reheating. If you are unable to get Thai Basil, then ordinary basil will do.

*My aunt says she uses Valcom red curry paste but I couldn't find that the day I bought the ingredients so I've been using Spencers red curry paste instead.

Yum!
 

Stuff. And Josh Groban.

I have been burning the candle at both ends recently so to speak... It's not good for me, I know it's not, but... And yet i have so many important things to do, and so many other things I want to do - its so hard to make myself take time out. I feel I don't have time for it, but I'm not getting through the important stuff anyway... I feel like my life is such a shambles at the moment sometimes: I really need to do something about finding a new job. I have my (fairly) major uni project due in a week and a half. My place is a complete mess. I'm struggling to find motivation to do anything about any of these things. I have way more people that I've promised to catch up with than I have time to catch up with them in. Ditto emails I should to reply to. I know I'm avoiding dealing with things and doing all my classic evasion techniques (sit around reading fics on the internet all evening, anyone?). I want to spend as much time as possible with P, because he's only here for such a short time. And he's probably the closest friend I have at the moment. But I'm also worried about whether I'm going to handle it when he leaves to go overseas again. I don't have the right words to express why, but I'd be a fool to think I'm going to be fine with it :-/  Only have myself to blame though - I know I've been desperately clinging to P's friendship (almost like it's the only thing keeping me afloat) ever since I cut D out of my life. There's bound to be fallout. :-( 

I can feel that I'm stressed. And if I'm honest with myself, it dates back to falling out with D two months ago. I knew it was inevitable, but didn't make it any easier. And while I like to think that there are things I would have done differently if I had that time again, I think the end result would have been the same. Staying (very) close friends after breaking up was never going to work out. Unfortunately... :-(  For all the things that didn't work between D and I, he was a stabilizing influence on me and I miss that. Something about the kind of person he was seemed to help me to stay calmer than I would otherwise. I really miss the closeness we had. I wish I had been able to keep him as a friend, but it was just too hard on me. Maybe one day we'll be friends again (if he hasn't decided he hates my guts after what I said), but for now I think it's best for me if he's not a part of my life. :-/ sigh...

So what does that have to do with everything else? Well simply that I threw myself headlong into the rest on my life, to try to take my mind off D. Being too busy to think worked (mostly), and did push me into several things I wanted to be doing (like uni, and finding a new job) but now I've worn myself out... And I don't think I've really dealt with the stuff I need to deal with yet. But that's life. And these things take time. And I know I'm getting there (as far as getting over it goes), albeit more slowly than I'd like.  

Sigh... I really have to work on taking better care of myself - I know that. Even something as simple as getting enough sleep, eating better, and sorting out what my priorities are with the 5 billion things I need to do, would make a huge difference.

And in the meantime... here's some Josh Groban lyrics:
Because Josh is awesome and this is my favourite song. It sounds better sung, but I can't be bothered working out how to embedded media into this blog - you can search YouTube yourself if you don't know how it goes.  

P, this is for you :-) xo


A beautiful and blinding morning
The world outside begins to breathe
See clouds arriving without warning
I need you here to shelter me

And I know that only time will tell us how
To carry on without each other

So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless
If I could stop the winds of change
If we just keep our eyes wide open
Then everything would stay the same

And I know that only time will tell me how
To carry on without each other

So keep me awake for every moment
Give us more time to be this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

We'll let tomorrow wait
You're here right now with me
And all my fears just fall away
When you are all I see

We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you here today

And I will remember...
Oh, I will remember...
Remember all the love we shared today

(Awake by Josh Groban)

    

So about that poem... :-)

Why tell your grandkids you worked nine to five..
Five days a week for 40 years
And quietly sat in traffic jams while people went to war, suffered disease
And brothers killed brothers?
Why not tell them that you refused to live in fear?
Tell them you crossed the Amazon,
Saw the lost cities of gold
And met your soul mate in Casablanca.
Travel to the ends of the earth
Go now and live adventures that will
Make your grandkids proud.

I found it on this webpage:
http://www.apus-peru.com/adventure_peru.htm

...but it was originally adapted from a STA travel promotion.

A life lived in fear is a life half lived

What the title says.

For some unknown reason that line keeps going round and round in my head.

I think it's telling me to get out there and live life. Have fun. Do what I want to do. Take risks. Try new things. Live life.

I would like to put that STA travel poem here, but the brief search I did just then didn't find it. :-/
You know - the "make your grandkids proud" one.

And now I have Goldeneye the James Bond theme in my head. Not sure if that signifies anything. Better listen to some Josh instead :-)

Resolutions and stuff

So... I got reminded the other day that I haven't written in my blog for ages... And then this morning I was reviewing the new years resolutions I'd typed into my iphone notes app back in January, and I thought "Hey, this'd be a pretty good thing to put in my blog"... So here they are - my 2010 new years resolutions and my review of how I'm doing as at the 28th of march (copied direct from my iphone)

A quick note before I start. I'm generally not a fan of "new years resolutions". At the time I wrote them down I thought of them as decisions -things I was going to do this year. The key word involved was "achievable". And the overarching goal was "things that would help me enjoy life more". But this is just semantic nitpicking - most people would see no difference between this and me making new years resolutions so that's what I'm calling them here.

New Year, new leaf - 2010 new years resolutions

1. Spend more time doing things I love
    - dancing
    - playing board games
    - spending time with friends

2. Study something at tafe that could lead to a new career
    - interior architecture
    - massage
    - graphic design
    - cooking

3. Be more active. ie:
    - rockclimbing
    - go for walks
    - dance more (salsa?)

4. Stop sabotaging my relationships

5. Take time out for myself

How will I know when I've achieved these things?
Dancing twice week, board games at least every fortnight, catching up with friends several times/week, 2 nights in per week, at least one just me, go for a walk a couple of times a week (three), rockclimbing every fortnight. I'll have enrolled in tafe and will be studying something I enjoy. I'll regularly see someone to help me deal with my issues (maybe one of mum's students or mum or a psychologist)

Update 24th feb 2010
Playing boardgames more. My relationship with D is more solid. Need to work on the other things.

Update 28th march 2010.
1. Fairly good - spending more time with friends, and playing boardgames. Not doing so well with dancing, but generally spending more time doing things I enjoy. Lots of gaming = fun.

2. Haven't done anything about this - need to get onto it. Perhaps website design? Maybe I could get mum to pay for me to do a course as part of the exchange for making her a website.
Note: when I said tafe above, I don't mean I wouldn't consider courses through other institutions. Tafe is generally flexible and inexpensive so I'll look there first. I can't afford to leave my job and study fulltime.

3. I think I am more active than I was but not much. Definitely room for improvement. Haven't been going for walks recently like I intended to - I find it hard to find time. A bike ride once a week is a good idea. (Sunday morning bike ride) - next step get a bike (of my own). Perhaps D could help - like if we go down to the park together and he goes for a run while I go for a walk. Rockclimbing is difficult a) to find time, b) to find a climbing partner. Of course the latter might be solved if I rang some of the people who advertise for climbing partners at rockface. So that just leaves time...
 
I think for now, while the weather's ok, I'll focus on going for a bike ride on Sundays and trying to get more walks in. Maybe when it gets colder I should look into going back to body balance.

4. Um... I think I have definitely improved but I also think I still have quite a lot improving left to do. D and I have been together 6 months now, which almost makes my longest relationship. And in the only longer relationship I've been in, at 6 months I was just waiting to break up with him. I put it off for a while for a couple of reasons, one of them being that he was madly trying to finish his honours thesis at the time. (we broke up shortly after). 

So anyway... (after that somewhat irrelevant aside), I think I'm doing better with my current relationship than I have in the past. (By that I mean that I am more mature and this is a healthier relationship compared to previous ones). Of course, I'm sure that's greatly helped by the fact that my boyfriend has the patience of a saint. Seriously, he's one of the most patient people I know. :-) 

Anyway, as far as relationships go, I know I still have plenty of room to improve. But it's important not to forget how far I've come too. 

For now I want to focus on trying to appreciate what I have, rather than focusing on what's missing. And also spend some time thinking about what's important to me. Maybe try talking things over with an unbiased third party more often. 

How do you know if the things you choose to compromise on in a relationship are the right things? (I take the perspective there will always be things you have to compromise on because no-one's perfect) This the question that gets to me sometimes - because D has lots of really good points, but he also lacks a few other qualities that are also things I want in a boyfriend (just to be clear about it here, there's definitely more really good points than points I feel are missing. Definitely. :-). So, do I focus on appreciating the good stuff more and not worry about the rest? Or should I be trying to find someone who has all those things that are really good about D plus the other stuff as well...? How do you know? Is the very fact I'm asking this question my answer? Or am I overanalysing things too much? (very probably). What is my purpose here anyway? 

Arrgh! Brain overload. But it has at least prompted me with an idea - I think this would be a good time to reread Neale Donald Walsch, CwG book 1. And at the risk of repeating myself... for now, apart from rereading CwG, I going to try to focus on appreciating the good stuff. :-) I think I am overanalysing things too much.

[and incidentally, while I was writing this, I got a text from my boyfriend that reminded me of one of the things I really like about him... :-D Just wanted to acknowledge that here... Thanks D for making me smile *has warm fuzzy feeling*]

5. I think I am better at taking time out for myself when I need it. And I think I'm improving at recognizing when I need time out, and how much time I need. And I've improved at saying no to people, when saying yes would not leave me with enough time to myself. (obviously this is situationally dependent). I keep monday and thursday nights as nights in to myself and this usually works pretty well. So long as I don't over do things on the weekend and have a bit of time then too - such as a nice lazy sunday morning - and/or on my wednesday off. I think I'm doing reasonably well with finding balance in my life. 

Actually just thinking about it now, I think the optimum is mon and thurs evenings in, (not necessarily by myself, but quiet evenings nonetheless), and nice lazy mornings sunday and wed (not starting off doing stuff til after lunch). Some, not necessarily all, of the above spent on my own. 

Is that a lot of time to need as downtime? It kind of seems that way to me - I mean what would I do if I got a real job (ie fulltime, instead of 30hr/wk) and had to work wednesdays, instead of every second saturday? Cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess. I am lucky with my current work roster. :-)  

------

Wow! This has turned into a massively long post. Anyway time to do something else - like enjoying the absolutely beautiful weather we have today - think I might borrow my housemate's bike and go for a ride around the lake again. Today is a good day :-)

I go onto Facebook... I discover C has started a travel blog... I wander over to check it out, decide to post a comment and... "what's my blog address again?"

It's ok. I worked it out. (would have been even more concerning if I didn't). but I did still open a new tab to check. (yes. I know.) and had a brief panic over "what's my password" before realising that my open gmail had already taken care of that for me.

Clearly a sign I need to update more often.

1am in the morning with a work day tomorrow is probably not the best time though.

Well it has been like forever since I last wrote in my blog. Over 2 months - that's really bad. I've been busy yes, but I'm pretty much always busy. It's hard for me to tell if my life has been more hectic than usual or not. I think it has, but also I haven't really felt like blogging.

And then the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get back into it because you've got 5 billion trillion things that you were going to blog about and never got round to at the time and oh my god where do I start... Argh!

Does anyone else have this problem? ...maybe it's just me.

So the short version:

Since last post,

• I had a housemate for a month (long story). It was both good and bad for a whole range of reasons that I'm not going to go into right now. Overall, it was more good than bad. There were times it was quite a close call, but yeah it was a good experience and I'd do it again. Which is a good thing because she's coming back at some point.
  
• I have acquired, remarkably quickly, by various means, most of the things on my gifts list from the last post - including the couch, kitchen bench unit, knives, glasses, roasting tray, some plants. So pretty much everything bar the toaster, salad spinner
  
• I now live with a digital piano (and it didn't cost me anything - I'm "baby-sitting" it). This is so incredibly cool, I can't explain how cool this is. I am trying to teach myself to play - I think I am slowly making progress. It would be nice to make progess more quickly, maybe I should get lessons... but I'm not aiming to be technically good, I just want to be able to songs I like reasonably well - ie above 'just recognisable' but less than 'excellent'
  
• I am trying to decide whether to buy a rock-climbing harness. (and chalk bag). I've found the one I want - if I decide to buy that is - mammut lotus (small) from mountain designs. It's red, $109.95.
  
• I still haven't started taking private dance lessons which I have been meaning to do for over a year now.
  
• I'm still single. Nothing new there.
  
• Work is work. I'm bored with it but still don't know what I might prefer to do. So nothing new there either.
  
• I love my new flat. It is so much better than the previous one. So much better. Yeah, it's not perfect (like today I discovered that someone, somewhere along the line has decided that it is a good idea to have the lawn-mowing man come at 8.30 on a Saturday morning. Um excuse me? Not impressed. GRRR!), but relatively minor issues aside, it's great. I love it.
  

Really can't think of anything else right now - in fact I'm barely keeping my eyes open... so I think it's time to finish off and go to bed. G'night.

New Place

I haven't had a chance to blog for ages. What with xmas, new years, work and moving apartments I've had barely a moment to myself since early december. I didn't have any time off work over the holiday season either - just the public holidays and my normal days off.

During a brief moment of insanity several weeks before Xmas I decided to inspect and then apply for a new apartment. Then I got the place and had to deal with the whole moving thing right between xmas and new year. Lots of fun [/sarcasm]. I won't pretend it was good because it wasn't - it was crazy and hectic and stressful and I don't know what I would have done without all the wonderful people who came and helped me (especially Mum, who gave up the better part of a week). Gone insane probably. More insane, I mean - clearly I must have been insane when I decided to move between xmas and new year.

But it's over. Thank god. (Well, apart from finishing unpacking and waiting for the old real estate agents to decide how much of my bond I get back.)

And the new place is worth it. It's twice the size, 2 bedrooms instead of 1, barely more expensive, quiet street/neighbours, across the road from a park, and walking distance to the train. That's my definition of walking distance too, so really not far. I haven't tried the walk yet -I've been meaning to but haven't had the chance - but I estimate it'd be about 10min.

I'm debating whether to get a housemate or not. Cheaper rent would definitely be a big bonus but I don't know how I'll go with living with someone all the time. I like my space and I don't like having people around all the time. I think with the right person I'd be right. Someone who's not intrusive, who's out a fair bit of the time or maybe someone who works evenings. Definitely no party animals or noisy/loud people. Also I don't want someone who has to be around people or someone who would expect me to talk to them all the time. It probably sounds like I'm totally anti-social or something but I'm not really. Just sometimes. Sometimes, probably even most of the time, I like being sociable, but at other times I don't feel like talking to people and just want to be left alone. I'd need someone who would respect that.

I am going to keep my eyes open for a housemate anyway. There are plenty of advantages to it that I haven't gone into above. But I won't just take someone for the sake of filling the room. If I can't find someone who I think I would be able to live with relatively easily, I'll leave it empty.

Anyway better go home and have some dinner. If anyone is wondering what to get me for a housewarming present here is a list of things I want to get for my new place. (Note: presents are neither required nor expected, but I know some of my friends are the sort to give me a present anyway even when I tell them not to worry about it, so I figure I might as well get some things I want)

Not sure when the housewarming's going to be... Maybe this weekend, so the friend who has to go back to whoop-whoop (Kalgoorlie) on Sunday can come, or otherwise I might do a combined housewarming, birthday party later in the year.

So, things I want for my new place:

• a small couch (I finally have space for one, yay!) obviously I'm not expecting anyone would buy me a new one (not even my parents), but I'll quite happily take hand-me-downs or opshop furniture so long as it's in semi-decent nick.
• a kitchen bench unit - to create more bench space in my kitchen. (ditto above)
• kitchen bits and pieces - toaster (2 slice), salad spinner, a salad bowl with a tight fitting lid (the sort of thing you'd use to take a salad to a picnic), a decent chefs knife (like Mum's victorinox one), glasses - maybe 4, stove to oven casserole dish, roasting tray
• plants - such as pots of fresh herbs or other things you can eat, preferably unkillable ones :-P, the balcony doesn't get much sun, a dwarf fruit tree in a pot would be really cool although it'd probably die of neglect like most of my previous plants. Non edible plants are ok, but I prefer useful ones
• chair custions - 2 outdoor ones for the 2 white plastic chairs I have on my balcony, and some for the backs of the dining chairs I've got.
• maybe a picnic rug

Can't think of anything else off the top of my head, even though I know there's plenty more. gtg anyway the library's kicking us out... I'll update the list later if I remember.

Two Wolves

My Dad sent me this things in an email today. I like it.

Two Wolves.
One evening an old Cherokee indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.

______

In other news, I am better. Not wonderful, but improved. Well... at the moment anyway... knowing me I can never be sure how long this will last... :-)

Happy Birthday to Mum for yesterday. I love you.

Jess has been better...

I've been kind of down recently. More so than usual anyway. Not really bad - like crying all evening, or not getting out of bed in the morning - but just generally a bit low.

There's been a fair bit of stuff going on but I'm not going to go into it here. Too public.
One could say, I guess, if you wanted to simplify everything into two words, that I'm lonely (relationships) and bored (work, and life generally).

I've also given up dancing (ballroom) temporarily. This is a bit tough because as well being one of my favourite things to do, dancing also makes up the main part of my social life. And right now is not such a good time for me to be spending extra time at home by myself. But last week was too hard, so I am determined to give myself a break from it. I don't know how long this will last, I'm hoping I'll be able to go back to it soon. For the meantime I'm trying to throw myself into spending time with friends and other hobbies, and not dwelling too much on things.

Send extra hugs my way if you see me. And invites to do something sociable are always good - better for me than sitting around at home on my own.

Thanks,
J

Jess has too many books to read

One of the downsides of working in a library (or upsides depending on how you look at it) is that I'm always seeing books I want to read. Too many books. So many books that I'll probably never get around to reading all of them unless I break a leg and am subjected to prolonged bedrest for a couple of months. Sigh... Oh well.

Today I found 5 to add to my never-ending list. In no particular order they are:

The Lucy Family Alphabet - Australian comedian Judith Lucy's autobiographical account of her crazy family
The Magician - book 2 in The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel series by Michael Scott (book 1 was not bad)
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean-Dominique Bauby. No, I haven't seen the movie - but the book's drawn me in just by skimming the first 3 pages.
The Uncommon Reader - Alan Bennett. The title, and then the blurb, caught my eye a few months ago. But it's been out consorting with other readers until it passed across my desk today on it's way back from Subi.
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman. I've always felt I should be more of a Neil Gaiman fan as he's almost got cult status with some of my friends. Thus far I've been a bit ambivalent - I liked Stardust, but those of his graphic novels I've seen have failed to enthall me. This one - highly recommended by the bookseller to our children's librarian, with a first paragraph that grabbed attention, maybe this will be one to change my mind.

These will, at some point, join the numerous other library items I'm hoarding at home... sixteen at last count.

Jess has been too busy to blog...

Haven't had a chance to do a blog post in a while - I wanted to on Tuesday but that would've just ended up being a rant about Perth's ridiculous public transport system so maybe it's best that I didn't get to it. It just really annoys me that in trying to do my bit for the environment by catching the bus to work - not only do I have to inconvenience myself by getting up earlier, walking further and waiting longer, but I also have to pay twice as much as it would cost me to drive. Umm... excuse me? Shouldn't they be trying to encourage people to use these buses? Maybe not. Grrr...

Anyway. Enough of that. In other news... a snapshot of my life at current - telegraph style because I have to go in 10min.

Went as a baaad fairy (punk/goth/slut fairy to quote a friend or two) to the halloween dance a few weeks ago. Had great time, v. happy with my costume. Photos see facebook.

Taken up hip hop dance classes. Feel v. unco but good fun.

Saw Wall-E. Loved it. Would like to go again. :-D

Eating too much takeaway. Trying to get back into cooking more regularly.

Politics: Not something I pay much attention to generally but glad Obama won. Like this post by resonant9 about it. Also much entertained by The Onion. Must go listen to speech.

Relationships = badly written tv soap opera. Don't ask.

Work = ok. Been lacking in motivation a bit. Need a challenge.

Life generally = ok

Anyway gtg... hip hop calls.

Untitled

I've been meaning to write a post for a while... but about what I'm not sure. I mostly only have minor grumble grumble things to say. (and some not so minor as well, but I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable raising them here).

It's a little weird having a public blog that technically anyone could read. Well... anyone who knows me on facebook or actually looks at the link that's in my email signature. I don't imagine that many people actually look here, but it's hard to tell - there's only a few people who comment or refer to things I've posted but that doesn't actually mean they don't look at it. Sometimes I wish I knew who reads my blog, and other times I think that I'm better off not knowing because then I'd probably worry about what I write a lot more.

Sometimes I miss my old private blog that no-one knew about. Essentially it was just an online journal and it was pretty much mostly a dumping ground for when I was feeling angry or upset. But I put other stuff in it too. Quotes, pictures I found, minor anecdotes about my life, etc... I should go back one day and pull out some of the stuff I liked. I need reminding of the good stuff sometimes. This would be one of those times.

Anyway, gtg as usual the library is kicking us out.

My weekend

...as a series of Facebook status updates and snapshots of happenings...

Jess would like to go to dancing tonight, but thinks that staying home, packing, and getting a good nights sleep before the 7hr drive tomorrow would be a much more sensible idea. (5.56pm Fri)

Jess is "on the road again" (~10am Sat)

Jess : still on the road. Sigh :-/ (~4pm Sat)

Jess is in Kalgoorlie (5.30pm Sat)

_____


Sunday morning:
Time = too early - wake up as Thia get up and leaves bedroom, considerately pulling the curtains behind her and shutting out unwanted light. Promptly go back to sleep.
Time = later - wake up to smell of someone preparing a full cooked breakfast in next room. Decide it's definitely time to get up now. Yum!

Jess is finding this being cooked for thing rather novel and very pleasant, especially when said cook is as good at it as Thia is. (all weekend)

Jess is valiently - but not entirely successfully - resisting the urge to check her email and go on facebook this weekend. It's meant to be a holiday from regular life damnit. (ditto)

_____


Jess is soaking up the sun and the 30 degree heat next to the pool in Kalgoorlie. Nice. (Mon arvo)

Jess is wondering what the hell is she doing swimming when it's only September. The water quite nice actually. Once you get past the getting in stage anyway. *eep* (ditto)

After dinner we played Carcassone. This is a brilliant game of strategy, plotting and other nefarious plans. Be warned - it may cause you to fall out with your friends when they sneakily take over and steal your points winning castles.

Thia: 48 points! I can't believe I finished a 48 point castle. Wow.
Me: Die! Die cruel and horrible deaths for you hath stolen my castle ridiculous.

Thia is spotted plotting nefarious plans
Me: Aha! I see your nefarious plans and counter with some nefarious plotting of my own.
Thia: I see your nefarious plotting and raise you 2x nefarious plans
Me: Noooooo! Not again! *Counters nefarious plan once more*
**Repeat from above

Later...
Thia: This tile's not useful at all.
Me: Hah suffer! suffer cruel and horrible... cruel and horrible things.
BB: Her heart's not in it anymore.

Brightbear was surreptiously quiet for the most part, but did manage to take out the 2nd game by a huge points margin. Sneaky. :-)

______


(Tues 11am)
Me: "We're on the road again"
BB: Will you shut up with that song?
Me: Sorry.

Many many hours later:
Jess is glad to be back.

______

NB. I may have possibly taken a little creative license in recording some of the exchanges above.

For slightly more coherent perspectives of our weekend you could try here or here. Brightbear has yet to comment.

Status updates

Because yet again I have way too many choices but can't decide.

Jess is wrecked.

Jess would like her friends to stop her from to Fast Eddies in future because she can't handle any more sleep deprivation

I am so tired. Really, so tired I actually feel sick. Not an unexpected result - the odd times I did allnighter for a uni assignment, I used to feel sick the next day.

Jess needs someone to come round this evening. Anyone. Please bring a compassionate ear, lots of hugs, good sense of humour and a willingness to ignore the messiness of my flat.

This morning I felt like this. But I didn't put it up because, apart from not having internet access, I was worried that the wrong person might reply. There are a few people on my f-list that... well... wouldn't have helped - not that they aren't great people. They are - they just not right in this case. And of all the people I know, the one who I really wanted is working tonight, and of the others I'd prefer - well - half of them are either on facebook or not in a position to come round to my place. And I was also worried that even worse, no-one at all would want to come round.

But now:

Jess is surprisingly ok, all things considered. Well apart from feeling half dead from exhaustion

This is still true:

Jess would give anything for someone to come round, do the dishes and make her dinner tonight.

And then I was going to put on facebook:

Jess has thought of too many status updates, so she put them in her blog instead.

But I went with a combination of the first two.

I had some others as well, but I can't remember them. And anyway they're kicking us out at the library so I'd better go.

Jess is not sure what to write...

I dragged myself down to the library this evening to write in my blog, because I knew I'm not likely to get another chance to do so until next wednesday at the earliest. But now I'm here I'm not sure what I'm going to write about. I could, of course, hang around mindlessly on facebook instead, but I do that often enough anyway. I guess I also felt kind of compelled to post something because I didn't want to leave my latest update as my last post for too long. At the time the pain was real - very real - but as it fades with time and distance, it's... no longer such an accurate representation of who I am at this moment. A blog post is a lot more permanent - or rather, a human being is a lot more changeable than this written record shows. Even facebook status updates can't keep up :-)

___________

So with this space, how is my life now?

Um... it's ok. Generally things are fairly good (fri night/sat morn excepted), but I often have this nagging sensation that something's missing or not quite right. I can't really put my finger on what it is, I have a few ideas but none I am willing to mention here and now. It's like the feeling of being in limbo in a way. Why? I don't know. I feel like I need a holiday too.

Work has signed me off my probation period and on to permanent, or whatever they call it. It's um... good. People often ask me how it's going and I'm never really sure what to say... It's a good job. I like it. A lot more than any of my previous jobs. The people are nice. The hours are good - I really like working only almost fulltime, having every wednesday off is good. Um... Not sure what else to say really. Possibly it's not challenging enough or something... - it's pretty easy-going - which I liked at first but now I wonder. Maybe I am starting to get bored. I mean there are always interesting books to look at but... *shrugs* I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don't know if I am any closer to working out what I want to do. I told myself I'd give this a year at least and then re-evaluate so yeah. I think I'd want something that stimulates me more. I know that there are some parts of it I like a lot more than others. Things like creating posters/displays, doing up the new booklists. Discussing ways to get people more involved with the library. The idea of maintaining a library blog. I also like it when I'm learning new things but then when it becomes routine, I'm not so enthused. I like variety in my work. And yet I've considered, and tried many different things but still can't work out what I want to do. Yet again I'm trying something I thought I might want to do, and once again it's not quite right.

well... I'll work it out one day I guess.
And really, it's not a bad job for now. Not in the slightest.

Some alternative facebook status updates...

...that I considered in light of the past 24 hours, but ultimately didn't use.

Jess hurts.

Jess can't bear this pain anymore.

Jess was having a good time last night, up to the point where she went home in tears.

Jess wishes it wasn't illegal to run over stupid pedestrians.


I went with: Jess is really not having a good day.
I think that said enough really.

I am kind of ok now. Relatively speaking.

on dance

Last Wednesday night I fell in love with lyrical hip hop.

Second last performance of the night on the American So you think you can dance, Chelsea and Mark danced the most amazing hip hop routine. It was just so beautiful - and that's not something I ever thought I'd say about hip hop dancing. Energetic, fun, crazy, impressive, sexy even, but beautiful? I never imagined I'd say that about a hip hop routine and yet this time I can't think of an adjective better suited. Hip hop isn't my thing really - generally I think it's impressive and all that, but I'm not inclined to rave about it. Well until now.

I can't do justice to it writing about it. Not in the slightest. But just for a second, imagine using your hands to move a lifesize model of a human standing in front of you, as if you're manipulating their limbs, turning them around, etc. Now instead of that picture, imagine it's a real human being standing there and move your hands out 30cm or so away from their body. As you move your hands they move - just as before, but without any contact between you - almost as if they were a puppet and you're pulling the strings.

That part, which took all of about 30 seconds on the show, was my favourite part of the entire routine. And the whole thing was amazing. I guess one of the reasons I found it so awesome because the dancers did such a brilliant job of bringing the piece to life. It was a love story between a workaholic and his girlfriend who didn't want him to leave. Quite a simple story really, and yet Courtney and Mark made it so believable, so real. They were living it right there up on stage.

That's what make good dancing great. That's what takes something from "Hey that's cool/that's impressive" and elevates it up to realm of "Wow..." of sheer brilliance. and of that feeling that you'll never be able to see things in quite the same way again. That's why I watch So you think you can dance. Because sometimes (just sometimes) you do see such brilliant dancing. And I'd probably never see it anywhere else.