Sunday 28 March 2010

Resolutions and stuff

So... I got reminded the other day that I haven't written in my blog for ages... And then this morning I was reviewing the new years resolutions I'd typed into my iphone notes app back in January, and I thought "Hey, this'd be a pretty good thing to put in my blog"... So here they are - my 2010 new years resolutions and my review of how I'm doing as at the 28th of march (copied direct from my iphone)

A quick note before I start. I'm generally not a fan of "new years resolutions". At the time I wrote them down I thought of them as decisions -things I was going to do this year. The key word involved was "achievable". And the overarching goal was "things that would help me enjoy life more". But this is just semantic nitpicking - most people would see no difference between this and me making new years resolutions so that's what I'm calling them here.

New Year, new leaf - 2010 new years resolutions

1. Spend more time doing things I love
    - dancing
    - playing board games
    - spending time with friends

2. Study something at tafe that could lead to a new career
    - interior architecture
    - massage
    - graphic design
    - cooking

3. Be more active. ie:
    - rockclimbing
    - go for walks
    - dance more (salsa?)

4. Stop sabotaging my relationships

5. Take time out for myself

How will I know when I've achieved these things?
Dancing twice week, board games at least every fortnight, catching up with friends several times/week, 2 nights in per week, at least one just me, go for a walk a couple of times a week (three), rockclimbing every fortnight. I'll have enrolled in tafe and will be studying something I enjoy. I'll regularly see someone to help me deal with my issues (maybe one of mum's students or mum or a psychologist)

Update 24th feb 2010
Playing boardgames more. My relationship with D is more solid. Need to work on the other things.

Update 28th march 2010.
1. Fairly good - spending more time with friends, and playing boardgames. Not doing so well with dancing, but generally spending more time doing things I enjoy. Lots of gaming = fun.

2. Haven't done anything about this - need to get onto it. Perhaps website design? Maybe I could get mum to pay for me to do a course as part of the exchange for making her a website.
Note: when I said tafe above, I don't mean I wouldn't consider courses through other institutions. Tafe is generally flexible and inexpensive so I'll look there first. I can't afford to leave my job and study fulltime.

3. I think I am more active than I was but not much. Definitely room for improvement. Haven't been going for walks recently like I intended to - I find it hard to find time. A bike ride once a week is a good idea. (Sunday morning bike ride) - next step get a bike (of my own). Perhaps D could help - like if we go down to the park together and he goes for a run while I go for a walk. Rockclimbing is difficult a) to find time, b) to find a climbing partner. Of course the latter might be solved if I rang some of the people who advertise for climbing partners at rockface. So that just leaves time...
 
I think for now, while the weather's ok, I'll focus on going for a bike ride on Sundays and trying to get more walks in. Maybe when it gets colder I should look into going back to body balance.

4. Um... I think I have definitely improved but I also think I still have quite a lot improving left to do. D and I have been together 6 months now, which almost makes my longest relationship. And in the only longer relationship I've been in, at 6 months I was just waiting to break up with him. I put it off for a while for a couple of reasons, one of them being that he was madly trying to finish his honours thesis at the time. (we broke up shortly after). 

So anyway... (after that somewhat irrelevant aside), I think I'm doing better with my current relationship than I have in the past. (By that I mean that I am more mature and this is a healthier relationship compared to previous ones). Of course, I'm sure that's greatly helped by the fact that my boyfriend has the patience of a saint. Seriously, he's one of the most patient people I know. :-) 

Anyway, as far as relationships go, I know I still have plenty of room to improve. But it's important not to forget how far I've come too. 

For now I want to focus on trying to appreciate what I have, rather than focusing on what's missing. And also spend some time thinking about what's important to me. Maybe try talking things over with an unbiased third party more often. 

How do you know if the things you choose to compromise on in a relationship are the right things? (I take the perspective there will always be things you have to compromise on because no-one's perfect) This the question that gets to me sometimes - because D has lots of really good points, but he also lacks a few other qualities that are also things I want in a boyfriend (just to be clear about it here, there's definitely more really good points than points I feel are missing. Definitely. :-). So, do I focus on appreciating the good stuff more and not worry about the rest? Or should I be trying to find someone who has all those things that are really good about D plus the other stuff as well...? How do you know? Is the very fact I'm asking this question my answer? Or am I overanalysing things too much? (very probably). What is my purpose here anyway? 

Arrgh! Brain overload. But it has at least prompted me with an idea - I think this would be a good time to reread Neale Donald Walsch, CwG book 1. And at the risk of repeating myself... for now, apart from rereading CwG, I going to try to focus on appreciating the good stuff. :-) I think I am overanalysing things too much.

[and incidentally, while I was writing this, I got a text from my boyfriend that reminded me of one of the things I really like about him... :-D Just wanted to acknowledge that here... Thanks D for making me smile *has warm fuzzy feeling*]

5. I think I am better at taking time out for myself when I need it. And I think I'm improving at recognizing when I need time out, and how much time I need. And I've improved at saying no to people, when saying yes would not leave me with enough time to myself. (obviously this is situationally dependent). I keep monday and thursday nights as nights in to myself and this usually works pretty well. So long as I don't over do things on the weekend and have a bit of time then too - such as a nice lazy sunday morning - and/or on my wednesday off. I think I'm doing reasonably well with finding balance in my life. 

Actually just thinking about it now, I think the optimum is mon and thurs evenings in, (not necessarily by myself, but quiet evenings nonetheless), and nice lazy mornings sunday and wed (not starting off doing stuff til after lunch). Some, not necessarily all, of the above spent on my own. 

Is that a lot of time to need as downtime? It kind of seems that way to me - I mean what would I do if I got a real job (ie fulltime, instead of 30hr/wk) and had to work wednesdays, instead of every second saturday? Cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess. I am lucky with my current work roster. :-)  

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Wow! This has turned into a massively long post. Anyway time to do something else - like enjoying the absolutely beautiful weather we have today - think I might borrow my housemate's bike and go for a ride around the lake again. Today is a good day :-)