Two Wolves

My Dad sent me this things in an email today. I like it.

Two Wolves.
One evening an old Cherokee indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.

______

In other news, I am better. Not wonderful, but improved. Well... at the moment anyway... knowing me I can never be sure how long this will last... :-)

Happy Birthday to Mum for yesterday. I love you.

Jess has been better...

I've been kind of down recently. More so than usual anyway. Not really bad - like crying all evening, or not getting out of bed in the morning - but just generally a bit low.

There's been a fair bit of stuff going on but I'm not going to go into it here. Too public.
One could say, I guess, if you wanted to simplify everything into two words, that I'm lonely (relationships) and bored (work, and life generally).

I've also given up dancing (ballroom) temporarily. This is a bit tough because as well being one of my favourite things to do, dancing also makes up the main part of my social life. And right now is not such a good time for me to be spending extra time at home by myself. But last week was too hard, so I am determined to give myself a break from it. I don't know how long this will last, I'm hoping I'll be able to go back to it soon. For the meantime I'm trying to throw myself into spending time with friends and other hobbies, and not dwelling too much on things.

Send extra hugs my way if you see me. And invites to do something sociable are always good - better for me than sitting around at home on my own.

Thanks,
J

Jess has too many books to read

One of the downsides of working in a library (or upsides depending on how you look at it) is that I'm always seeing books I want to read. Too many books. So many books that I'll probably never get around to reading all of them unless I break a leg and am subjected to prolonged bedrest for a couple of months. Sigh... Oh well.

Today I found 5 to add to my never-ending list. In no particular order they are:

The Lucy Family Alphabet - Australian comedian Judith Lucy's autobiographical account of her crazy family
The Magician - book 2 in The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel series by Michael Scott (book 1 was not bad)
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean-Dominique Bauby. No, I haven't seen the movie - but the book's drawn me in just by skimming the first 3 pages.
The Uncommon Reader - Alan Bennett. The title, and then the blurb, caught my eye a few months ago. But it's been out consorting with other readers until it passed across my desk today on it's way back from Subi.
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman. I've always felt I should be more of a Neil Gaiman fan as he's almost got cult status with some of my friends. Thus far I've been a bit ambivalent - I liked Stardust, but those of his graphic novels I've seen have failed to enthall me. This one - highly recommended by the bookseller to our children's librarian, with a first paragraph that grabbed attention, maybe this will be one to change my mind.

These will, at some point, join the numerous other library items I'm hoarding at home... sixteen at last count.

Jess has been too busy to blog...

Haven't had a chance to do a blog post in a while - I wanted to on Tuesday but that would've just ended up being a rant about Perth's ridiculous public transport system so maybe it's best that I didn't get to it. It just really annoys me that in trying to do my bit for the environment by catching the bus to work - not only do I have to inconvenience myself by getting up earlier, walking further and waiting longer, but I also have to pay twice as much as it would cost me to drive. Umm... excuse me? Shouldn't they be trying to encourage people to use these buses? Maybe not. Grrr...

Anyway. Enough of that. In other news... a snapshot of my life at current - telegraph style because I have to go in 10min.

Went as a baaad fairy (punk/goth/slut fairy to quote a friend or two) to the halloween dance a few weeks ago. Had great time, v. happy with my costume. Photos see facebook.

Taken up hip hop dance classes. Feel v. unco but good fun.

Saw Wall-E. Loved it. Would like to go again. :-D

Eating too much takeaway. Trying to get back into cooking more regularly.

Politics: Not something I pay much attention to generally but glad Obama won. Like this post by resonant9 about it. Also much entertained by The Onion. Must go listen to speech.

Relationships = badly written tv soap opera. Don't ask.

Work = ok. Been lacking in motivation a bit. Need a challenge.

Life generally = ok

Anyway gtg... hip hop calls.

Untitled

I've been meaning to write a post for a while... but about what I'm not sure. I mostly only have minor grumble grumble things to say. (and some not so minor as well, but I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable raising them here).

It's a little weird having a public blog that technically anyone could read. Well... anyone who knows me on facebook or actually looks at the link that's in my email signature. I don't imagine that many people actually look here, but it's hard to tell - there's only a few people who comment or refer to things I've posted but that doesn't actually mean they don't look at it. Sometimes I wish I knew who reads my blog, and other times I think that I'm better off not knowing because then I'd probably worry about what I write a lot more.

Sometimes I miss my old private blog that no-one knew about. Essentially it was just an online journal and it was pretty much mostly a dumping ground for when I was feeling angry or upset. But I put other stuff in it too. Quotes, pictures I found, minor anecdotes about my life, etc... I should go back one day and pull out some of the stuff I liked. I need reminding of the good stuff sometimes. This would be one of those times.

Anyway, gtg as usual the library is kicking us out.

My weekend

...as a series of Facebook status updates and snapshots of happenings...

Jess would like to go to dancing tonight, but thinks that staying home, packing, and getting a good nights sleep before the 7hr drive tomorrow would be a much more sensible idea. (5.56pm Fri)

Jess is "on the road again" (~10am Sat)

Jess : still on the road. Sigh :-/ (~4pm Sat)

Jess is in Kalgoorlie (5.30pm Sat)

_____


Sunday morning:
Time = too early - wake up as Thia get up and leaves bedroom, considerately pulling the curtains behind her and shutting out unwanted light. Promptly go back to sleep.
Time = later - wake up to smell of someone preparing a full cooked breakfast in next room. Decide it's definitely time to get up now. Yum!

Jess is finding this being cooked for thing rather novel and very pleasant, especially when said cook is as good at it as Thia is. (all weekend)

Jess is valiently - but not entirely successfully - resisting the urge to check her email and go on facebook this weekend. It's meant to be a holiday from regular life damnit. (ditto)

_____


Jess is soaking up the sun and the 30 degree heat next to the pool in Kalgoorlie. Nice. (Mon arvo)

Jess is wondering what the hell is she doing swimming when it's only September. The water quite nice actually. Once you get past the getting in stage anyway. *eep* (ditto)

After dinner we played Carcassone. This is a brilliant game of strategy, plotting and other nefarious plans. Be warned - it may cause you to fall out with your friends when they sneakily take over and steal your points winning castles.

Thia: 48 points! I can't believe I finished a 48 point castle. Wow.
Me: Die! Die cruel and horrible deaths for you hath stolen my castle ridiculous.

Thia is spotted plotting nefarious plans
Me: Aha! I see your nefarious plans and counter with some nefarious plotting of my own.
Thia: I see your nefarious plotting and raise you 2x nefarious plans
Me: Noooooo! Not again! *Counters nefarious plan once more*
**Repeat from above

Later...
Thia: This tile's not useful at all.
Me: Hah suffer! suffer cruel and horrible... cruel and horrible things.
BB: Her heart's not in it anymore.

Brightbear was surreptiously quiet for the most part, but did manage to take out the 2nd game by a huge points margin. Sneaky. :-)

______


(Tues 11am)
Me: "We're on the road again"
BB: Will you shut up with that song?
Me: Sorry.

Many many hours later:
Jess is glad to be back.

______

NB. I may have possibly taken a little creative license in recording some of the exchanges above.

For slightly more coherent perspectives of our weekend you could try here or here. Brightbear has yet to comment.

Status updates

Because yet again I have way too many choices but can't decide.

Jess is wrecked.

Jess would like her friends to stop her from to Fast Eddies in future because she can't handle any more sleep deprivation

I am so tired. Really, so tired I actually feel sick. Not an unexpected result - the odd times I did allnighter for a uni assignment, I used to feel sick the next day.

Jess needs someone to come round this evening. Anyone. Please bring a compassionate ear, lots of hugs, good sense of humour and a willingness to ignore the messiness of my flat.

This morning I felt like this. But I didn't put it up because, apart from not having internet access, I was worried that the wrong person might reply. There are a few people on my f-list that... well... wouldn't have helped - not that they aren't great people. They are - they just not right in this case. And of all the people I know, the one who I really wanted is working tonight, and of the others I'd prefer - well - half of them are either on facebook or not in a position to come round to my place. And I was also worried that even worse, no-one at all would want to come round.

But now:

Jess is surprisingly ok, all things considered. Well apart from feeling half dead from exhaustion

This is still true:

Jess would give anything for someone to come round, do the dishes and make her dinner tonight.

And then I was going to put on facebook:

Jess has thought of too many status updates, so she put them in her blog instead.

But I went with a combination of the first two.

I had some others as well, but I can't remember them. And anyway they're kicking us out at the library so I'd better go.

Jess is not sure what to write...

I dragged myself down to the library this evening to write in my blog, because I knew I'm not likely to get another chance to do so until next wednesday at the earliest. But now I'm here I'm not sure what I'm going to write about. I could, of course, hang around mindlessly on facebook instead, but I do that often enough anyway. I guess I also felt kind of compelled to post something because I didn't want to leave my latest update as my last post for too long. At the time the pain was real - very real - but as it fades with time and distance, it's... no longer such an accurate representation of who I am at this moment. A blog post is a lot more permanent - or rather, a human being is a lot more changeable than this written record shows. Even facebook status updates can't keep up :-)

___________

So with this space, how is my life now?

Um... it's ok. Generally things are fairly good (fri night/sat morn excepted), but I often have this nagging sensation that something's missing or not quite right. I can't really put my finger on what it is, I have a few ideas but none I am willing to mention here and now. It's like the feeling of being in limbo in a way. Why? I don't know. I feel like I need a holiday too.

Work has signed me off my probation period and on to permanent, or whatever they call it. It's um... good. People often ask me how it's going and I'm never really sure what to say... It's a good job. I like it. A lot more than any of my previous jobs. The people are nice. The hours are good - I really like working only almost fulltime, having every wednesday off is good. Um... Not sure what else to say really. Possibly it's not challenging enough or something... - it's pretty easy-going - which I liked at first but now I wonder. Maybe I am starting to get bored. I mean there are always interesting books to look at but... *shrugs* I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don't know if I am any closer to working out what I want to do. I told myself I'd give this a year at least and then re-evaluate so yeah. I think I'd want something that stimulates me more. I know that there are some parts of it I like a lot more than others. Things like creating posters/displays, doing up the new booklists. Discussing ways to get people more involved with the library. The idea of maintaining a library blog. I also like it when I'm learning new things but then when it becomes routine, I'm not so enthused. I like variety in my work. And yet I've considered, and tried many different things but still can't work out what I want to do. Yet again I'm trying something I thought I might want to do, and once again it's not quite right.

well... I'll work it out one day I guess.
And really, it's not a bad job for now. Not in the slightest.

Some alternative facebook status updates...

...that I considered in light of the past 24 hours, but ultimately didn't use.

Jess hurts.

Jess can't bear this pain anymore.

Jess was having a good time last night, up to the point where she went home in tears.

Jess wishes it wasn't illegal to run over stupid pedestrians.


I went with: Jess is really not having a good day.
I think that said enough really.

I am kind of ok now. Relatively speaking.

on dance

Last Wednesday night I fell in love with lyrical hip hop.

Second last performance of the night on the American So you think you can dance, Chelsea and Mark danced the most amazing hip hop routine. It was just so beautiful - and that's not something I ever thought I'd say about hip hop dancing. Energetic, fun, crazy, impressive, sexy even, but beautiful? I never imagined I'd say that about a hip hop routine and yet this time I can't think of an adjective better suited. Hip hop isn't my thing really - generally I think it's impressive and all that, but I'm not inclined to rave about it. Well until now.

I can't do justice to it writing about it. Not in the slightest. But just for a second, imagine using your hands to move a lifesize model of a human standing in front of you, as if you're manipulating their limbs, turning them around, etc. Now instead of that picture, imagine it's a real human being standing there and move your hands out 30cm or so away from their body. As you move your hands they move - just as before, but without any contact between you - almost as if they were a puppet and you're pulling the strings.

That part, which took all of about 30 seconds on the show, was my favourite part of the entire routine. And the whole thing was amazing. I guess one of the reasons I found it so awesome because the dancers did such a brilliant job of bringing the piece to life. It was a love story between a workaholic and his girlfriend who didn't want him to leave. Quite a simple story really, and yet Courtney and Mark made it so believable, so real. They were living it right there up on stage.

That's what make good dancing great. That's what takes something from "Hey that's cool/that's impressive" and elevates it up to realm of "Wow..." of sheer brilliance. and of that feeling that you'll never be able to see things in quite the same way again. That's why I watch So you think you can dance. Because sometimes (just sometimes) you do see such brilliant dancing. And I'd probably never see it anywhere else.

The meaning of Lif

I dunno

________


I was going write but now I can't be bothered. Life is ok. I've been a bit grumpy yesterday and today - mainly in the morning before work. Being busy or having stuff to do at work seems to shake me out of it mostly.

My 3 month probation period for work is up this week. It's going well, most of the time I enjoy it. Today was not so good what with crazy asian guy going spac over something. But generally it's good. Most of the people are really nice and the work itself generally has enough variation to keep me interested - and if not there are always interesting books to look at. Unfortunately I don't have time to read them all. *sigh*

Arrgh!

I had a bit of an... ...unusual... ...experience this morning.

I was driving along when I looked down and saw a spider the size of a 50c piece on my arm!
Arrgh! S***! OMFG! really doesn't do justice to the shock I got. I nearly jumped out of my skin! Of course at the time I was wearing 5 layers of clothing and a pair of gloves, but that's not what you think of when something like this happens, is it? Thankfully I am not the sort to panic at the sight of a spider - especially as I was going 60km/hr down a fairly major road near my place at the time. After unsuccessfully trying to get it out the window, I pulled over onto the grassed median strip and jumped out the car and stripped off my jumper as fast as possible. A bit of shaking and flicking later and it was all over bar the wondering "how the hell did it get onto my jumper in the first place?" I really hope it was from the outside of the car not the inside and it hasn't left any friends (or babies) behind.

work rest play... but no mars

I feel like I could use a holiday. I don't know what it is exactly - working a bit more than usual, having more social things on than usual, not getting enough sleep...

Actually it's probably the last one mainly. I've been eating more junk food than usual recently too. Not taking enough time for myself etc, etc... Fallen off the horse a bit, as Jason would say.

I don't understand how people fit everything in. I don't even work fulltime and yet it seems like I don't have time to work, and have a social life, and cook/do the shopping, and keep my flat tidy, and have time to relax, and sleep enough. I can really understand now why so many people just go with the ready made meals or take-away option. In my case, usually it's my flat that suffers. I would like to keep my flat in a decent state but... Well take monday night - by the time I'd got home from work, bought some food, cooked dinner, washed up, hung out some washing, and handwashed some more, it was around 9.30 and I was pretty much ready for bed... and yet there was still more to do and I hadn't had any time to relax either. sigh...

I haven't had any time to write in my blog recently and I regret that. I would like to be able to do this more often, I think it would be good for me. I guess I ought to get organised and connect the internet at home. Now that uni has finally closed my account my only internet access is either at my local library or at work during my break or tues/fri after I finish. Generally this is not enough time for much more than keeping up with emails/messages (somewhat) and internet banking. Getting the internet connected seems such a lot of hassle - trying to work out which of the hundreds of options to go with - and of course there's the additional expense as well. I've also been putting it off because I know I'm likely to waste a lot of time if I have internet at home. But without the easy availability of uni internet access - open til late, 5min down the road - I find not having internet at home a bit awkward. So I'm getting around to it (very slowly).

__________

So what have I been doing with all my time then?

Well, last week, as well as my normal work roster (M, T, T, F, alternate S):
I cooked dinner for mum + my 2 brothers on Mon night
Went to dancing on Tues
Worked an extra shift on my day off and had family over for dinner again (and cooked again) on Wed
Thursdays are my late shift at work (until 8pm)
Friday I went dancing again - until close (midnight)
It was my Saturday to work, after which I had lunch and went to the Da Vinci exhibition with Dad, my Aunt, and my brother.
Sunday - day off (thank god) and got to sleep in. Yay! In the afternoon Mum and I went the So You Think You Can Dance tour.

Bleh, no wonder I'm a bit worn out. It was good though. Well mostly.

___________

I also went to see Mamma Mia the week before last which was great fun :D
It's just my kind of movie - light-hearted, fun, and nothing remotely scary, gory, or cringe-worthy (well maybe Pierce Brosnan's singing). And I like ABBA songs, so what's not to love? I'd like to see it again, but I figure I'll wait for the DVD - to save money and so I can watch any behind-the-scenes at the same time.

The link to the stage musical was very overt - in that there would often be only a couple of lines of dialogue and then someone would burst into song:
Lack the money for some much needed renovations... Express your frustrations with an ABBA song
Want to tell your ex he's a bastard... Say it with an ABBA song
Planning on asking some to marry you... Why not use a ABBA song
Trouble finding a band for your daughter's hens night... just dig out your crazy 70s costumes and perform an ABBA song instead. They'll love it.

It was cheesy and over-the-top, but I loved it.

So this is who i am

Having a bad case of writers block right now. The main reason I came down to the library was so I could write in my blog, but now I've got here I can't think what to write. I have been feeling better at least :-) these past few days. Thanks are due to Mum for listening to me on Sunday and Monday nights. In fact this morning I was practically chirpy. I was singing along to some Michael Buble songs (rather loud and silly) while driving to my chiro appointment. I wish I had been able to go see him when he performed in Perth a few weeks ago, but unfortunately I didn't find out he was coming to Perth until after tickets had sold out :-( Oh well hopefully next time. At least I am going to see the So You Think You Can Dance Tour in a couple of weeks. YAY!

Other things I want to go to are:
The Imperial Ice Stars in Cinderella on Ice
The Da Vinci Machines exhibition
Mamma Mia (the movie)

I also wouldn't mind going to see Peter Combe at the Fly by Night this weekend. (Go on, go ahead and laugh. But if you fancy reliving your childhood with classic songs like "Toffee apple nice sticky..." give me a call - it's only $25 or so)

And dare I admit to maybe wanting to see Damien Leith too. Well possibly. Except I probably won't end up going.

I have just notice on BOCS that there is something called The Jungle Book and other Dances - hmm... the jungle book in various dance styles... could be interesting, or just really odd.

____________


I feel kind of.... um... odd having what I wrote on Sunday up here. Actually I haven't gone back and read over it again at all, which is pretty unusual because normally I read over every post at least once. And usually I make some minor changes for the benefit of "readability" or whatever.

I guess in a way I'm not really comfortable with what that post says about me. Of course I could take it down, but I don't want to do that. However true for me it may or may not be now, on Sunday the pain was real. The trouble with a blog is that it's a snapshot frozen in time of how I am or what I'm thinking about. Looking back sometimes I think what was all the fuss about.

I think the reason I now feel awkward is that I worry that maybe other people will think it's silly or a stupid thing to get upset about. Well actually, what I really worry about is that they'll think less of me for it (or other things like that). Which is in itself a bit silly really.... If someone doesn't like me for who I am (the good and the bad) than why am I bothering about them. Also someone wise once told me that if something upsets you (no matter how small or trivial) than it's not stupid. Sure it may be something that wouldn't bother someone else, but that's not the point. I am not someone else.

___________


I was going to write about another point, but I forget what now.

Hello darkness my old friend

I made myself come straight to my blog as soon as I got on to the internet because I knew that if I didn't I would just end up wasting time doing distractive things - such as checking my email, facebook, reading other peoples blogs etc... Which are all very well and that but they don't really help. They just distract me for a while but there's no lasting effect. When I have too much time to think, I can just as easily get down again.

It's really sad to admit this but recently I'm often happier when I'm at work than when I'm not. That's sad. And the novelty of working in a library has worn off - so although I do enjoy my job, it is in a way still just a job. Admittedly it is a job that I like better than any of the other jobs I've had. But it's not like it's incredibly fulfilling and I jump out of bed wanting to got to work each morning. I like it, that's enough.

The reason I've been down often is I've been feeling lonely. Not really in the sense of 'I miss having a boyfriend' but just generally. I miss having someone to talk to; and I miss having someone to do things with. I don't seem to catch up with friends as much anymore and/or I feel out of place. I also don't think living on my own is good for me anymore. I used to love it, but I think it has the tendency to increase my tendency to withdraw into myself when I'm not feeling good. This does not help matters.

The trouble with getting down about it though, is that I'm in a sense paralysed. I don't do anything about it, I just feel bad. I don't know, I feel like I should do something. Arrange to catch up with people or something, but...

A few weeks ago, I tried to arrange to catch up with two different friends (separately), and in both cases the arrangements fell though (for various reasons). At the time I was really disappointed. Actually that's a bit of an understatement. Since then I haven't tried to arrange to catch up with anyone.

I can't believe I'm still hurting out this, but I am.

gtg back later.

Thoughts

Today I am tired. I don't know what to write. Going to the fruit and veg markets in Subi has worn me out. They were so busy - even more packed full of people than they are normally. It was really quite stressful. Last night was good. I went out for dinner with friends who I hadn't seen for a while. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. It was good for me. I needed that.

I have been a bit up and down recently. More down than up, unfortunately. Yesterday went towards addressing that imbalance but only a bit. I worked on my day off (wed) this week. That wasn't such a good idea. I would have benefited more from having the day off.

My original plan in coming in to use the internet, was to write about this book I read over the past few days. The book's called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Basically it starts by saying that different people have different ways of feeling/showing love and then it discusses these 5 "love languages" as he calls them. Everyone has one main love language which is the key to feeling that other people care about them. If their need for emotional love is not being met through their love language then it doesn't matter what else others do, they still won't feel loved. It's like giving someone a bunch of flowers, when all they want is a hug (or some help around the house, or...).

These are: (I'll use his labels for them)
1. Words of Affirmation (telling them you appreciate them, any positive comments)
2. Quality Time (doing things with them, quality conversation - ie listening)
3. Receiving Gifts (self evident, surely)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for them, helping them with stuff)
5. Physical Touch (also self-evident - hugs etc)

In this book he approaches it from a marriage counselling point of view, but I think it has much much wider applications than that. So many things in my life suddenly made a whole lot more sense. Reading the chapter about my love language (quality time) on Friday night actually upset me a lot because I realised how badly I wasn't getting what I need. But awareness is at least the first step.

I don't think I am doing a very good job of explaining the concepts but I assure you it was excellent - go read it! I found so many things fell into place as I read it.

I'd love to write more and edit this post so it's better written, but they're kicking me out so I gtg.
Au revoir.

Stuff

Recently I'm finding it harder to make time to write posts for my blog. Working takes up a fair portion of the spare time I used to have, but there are other less obvious obstructions. The first of these is I am trying to wean myself off using the internet at uni, as I am officially unenrolled now and it's only a matter of time before my internet account is locked. This means that I'm restricted to using the internet during public library opening hours which are mostly during the times I work. Also I'm now earning enough to have more than a bare bones survivalistic existance, which means I can actually go shopping in my spare time that otherwise could be used for blogging.

It's rather novel to be able to go shopping again. Ironically now that I can actually afford to buy things (well... within reason), I don't seem to have much spare time to go shopping. This is probably a good thing however as I don't want to get in the habit of wasting the money I earn. But on the other hand, I've been on a student sized income for so long, that I have a huge backlist built up of things that "I'll buy when I have some spare cash". For the kitchen alone:
griddle pan, proper chefs knife, bread knife, wok, salad spinner, second chopping board, another wooden spoon, more cutlery, a pan (or several) that can go both on the stove and in the oven, roasting tray, simmer ring, the list goes on...

Other areas of life have similarly long lists of things that cost money.
Clothing (all kinds)
Things to go to (So you think you can dance tour, Cinderella on Ice, the Da Vinci machines exhibition)
Things to do (ballroom dancing lessons, singing lessons, language classes, travel, massages)

Are these things absolutely necessary? Well clearly the answer is no, as I've lived without them so far, but...

It's really cool having a real income. I'm not quite used to it yet and in a way I hope I don't get used to it. It's nice to have this feeling of earning more than I need to survive (As a comparison measure, I'm earning a little under double what I used to earn from casual work while studying). However I know that it's very easy for one's "necessary" expenses to expand to fill up any increase in your income, that's why people (typically) find it so hard to save money. It's often quoted that people generally believe that the amount of money they really need is 10% more than they're earning, regardless of whether they earn $300/week or $3000.

To avoid falling into the pattern of spending everything I earn (or more), I'm following some of the recommendations laid out in the book The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason. Excellent book - I highly recommend it. I'd also recommend How to get what you want in life with the money you already have by Carol Keeffe. In some regards, it's rather dated (ie the cost of a block of land in one of the examples she talks about), but most of the advice is timeless and excellent.

Every fortnight direct after getting paid, I immediately transfer a fixed percentage of my income into online savings account where the money is not immediately accessible. Another percentage goes directly toward paying down the credit card debt built up from periods when I wasn't working. It's not a big debt but as the interest on it is simply money down the drain, getting rid of it is a priority. (And for the record: if you don't have a credit card I don't recommend getting one, it's too easy to spend money you don't have, even when you're determined not to. Go debit mastercard or debit visa instead.)

Then I live off the rest of my income. While I still have the experience of getting to the end of the fortnight without any money left over, I'm not worried about that because I know I've already taken care of putting aside money for the things that are important to me.

Keeping busy

I haven't written a blog post for ages. I've just been busy doing stuff, really. So I thought I'd put down a brief summary of the past few weeks. I really should go home and cook something for dinner but if I don't write something now, who knows when I'll get round to it.

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Over the long weekend Brightbear* and I drove up to Kalgoorlie to visit Thia*. This is really quite a long drive. (Well... by my standards at least which typically involve stopping for break at least once on the way down to Busselton). Despite that it was good and I enjoyed the time spent up there.

*If you don't know who these nicknames refer to, you probably don't need to know. BB & T if you want me to remove the link, just let me know.

Thia cooked us lots of yummy food (stuff that I could eat too without feeling bleh - bonus!), and introduced us to the joys of two word games called Bananagrams and Bookworm Adventures. Racing Demons (like competitive solitaire) was also played, of course. I really enjoyed this, as recently I'd been thinking that I miss playing cards and board games.

We were entertained by dvds (Enchanted) and Thia jamming on the cello we brought her. "Name a song. Any song..." got Waltzing Matilda, Away in the Manger and the Lord of the Rings theme, among others.

Meeting crazy entertaining teachers was cool. Overly loud dance music at Kalgoorlie pub not so cool and reminded me why I don't like 'going out' in the usual sense of the phrase. There's essentially two reasons: 1) generally I don't really like dance/techno music. Give me oldies (70s/80s/90s) music to dance to any day. 2) when the music's too loud it really grates on me after a while. I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to noise than most people or what, but I prefer my music at a volume that you can still have a conversation with the person next to you if you raise your voice a bit. I know, I know, I'm a bit of an old grandma in this regard.

So if anyone wonders why I prefer to stay home or going to Gilks rather than going out dancing/clubbing with you, that's why. It's not because I don't like you or (non-ballroom) dancing. Really :-/

Right now back to the weekend. All in all it was a really good weekend. Next time though (assuming there is a next time), I'd like to have more time off work to do it in. Only having three days off meant we spent a significant part of two of those days driving. But it was worth it nonetheless.

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The weekend before last I went to the Circus. Silver's Grand Magic Circus, to be precise. Having been to both Cirque du Soleil and Circus Oz in the past two years, I wasn't expecting that great things of Silver's but they were way better than I thought they'd be. They've moved their big top down to Rockingham now, and I'd recommend them.

gtg I'll finish later.

Shorts

Target is selling organic cotton clothing. This is cool. I bought two organic cotton t-shirts yesterday and nearly got pjs as well. Yes, I know organic cotton is not all the answers, but it is one step in the right direction.
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The prime minister was on TV last night. I discovered this accidentally when I went to put a dvd on and I found Mr Rudd on the ABC's new show Q&A. Rather unusually I kept on watching it until the end of the show and I continue to be impressed by our new prime minister. While it did at times seems a little on the lines of a "bag the last lot session" with frequent references to the Howard government's lack of policy on all the things people were asking him about, Kevin Rudd is slowly eroding with my previous political apathy. Wow!
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I got paid today properly for the first time. Yay! Now I can actually afford to go visit Thia in Kalgoorlie over the long weekend.

Books, books, books...

One of the great things about working in a library is that you come across so many books that otherwise you probably wouldn't have discovered even existed. I've borrowed 13 books in the past 2.5 weeks I've been working there, and that's being quite restrained really.

One of my jobs at work is making little booklets of all the new books we've had come in over the past month. This month we had over 400! Although strictly speaking they're not all new releases - a reasonable proportion of them are donations from readers, and some will be are second copies of ones we've already got. But still, that's a lot of books.

I also box up unwanted donations to take down to Save the Children Fund who then recycle them through their massive book sales. Most of the books that fall into this category... well... let's just say it's clear why they are unwanted. But every now and then I turn up something cool in the piles of books and next thing I know I'm taking home half dozen or so books for which I paid $1 each. Technically I didn't have to pay anything for them, as they're being given away, but I felt I should, taking so many.

Another job I do is process local stock, which basically means getting the local stock books (books that don't come from the state library - ie reader donations or ones bought with the local councils' money) ready so that they can go on the shelves. Spine labels, date labels etc... I'm getting lots of practice at book covering. Of course if it's an interesting looking book, it's necessary to look the book over a bit while you're doing so - read the blurb and so on. *grin*

I was going to list and review some of the books I've borrowed recently, but I'm out of time so it'll have to be later.

A trip to the tip

I am so tired. It's been a long day, and it certainly doesn't help that I've been burning the candle at both ends recently. I need to develop a good habit of going to bed early rather than staying up until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. But I always say that and never do...

Today, as part of the Earth Carers Training course, I went on a trip to the tip. Or to put it more eloquently, we did a tour of the Tamala Park landfill site and the Balcatta recycling station. Then we had lunch at the Stirling Civic Gardens, which is a rehabilitated landfill site. Not that I would have known, if they hadn't told us.

This was a rather more enjoyable experience than I expected. The stuff we learned at each site was both useful and interesting if a bit sobering at times. I will certainly be thinking twice not only before throwing anything in the bin, but also before buying things. Reduce, reuse, recycle.

I think part of what makes this Earth Carers experience great, is hanging out with a group of like-minded people. Everyone else is also concerned about the current state of the planet, but not just that, they are proactive in doing something about it. It's great to be able to discuss and brainstorm ideas about everything from council recycling systems to community gardens, to biodegrable plastic bags, and green power.

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This month, May, is Mobile Muster month with the slogan "old phones, more trees". From the 2nd May to the 5th June for every mobile recycled through the mobile muster campaign, Landcare Australia will plant a native tree. So if you've got an old mobile laying around don't sent to landfill, drop it off at an official drop off point and congratulate yourself on planting a tree for the environment without having to do any of the hard work. Click here and enter your post code to find your nearest drop off point or go down to Australia Post and pick up a free recycling satchel.

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At the first training session we had (on tuesday night) they showed us a video called "The Story of Stuff'". This is a brilliant little animated movie that takes a look at the dark underside of our production and consumption patterns. It was really good - informative while still being entertaining - and I encourage everyone to watch it. In fact, no, I don't just encourage you to watch it, instead I'd like to ask you on behalf of everyone who wants to create a more sustainable future, please take 20mins to watch this short film and recommend it to your friends.

You can download it for free at:
www.storyofstuff.com

It's a simple little thing, and you may think that they're over-simplifying the issues or that you already know this stuff, but watch it anyway. If nothing else, I'm sure you'll find parts of it entertaining. I've drawn the following comments off the website because I agree with them:
The Story of Stuff exposes the connections between a huge number of environmental and social issues, and calls us together to create a more sustainable world. It'll teach you something, it'll make you laugh, and it just may change the way you look at all the stuff in your life forever.

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After we got back from the tour of the tip, I discovered that our meeting point for the bus trip was right next to West Leederville community garden. Naturally a number of my fellow "tourists" were involved with the community garden so I went in to have a bit of a look around. It seemed pretty cool so I'm thinking about getting involved.

Life update

I was going to write a post tonight but...

oh well. Better luck next time.

Work = bonafide cushy government job.
Possibly I am just not used to the concept of a job where you get paid holidays... but it's also the fact that as well as a 45min lunchbreak (generous by my past experience) we also get a 15min tea break for both morning and afternoon tea each day. This means it's impossible to work more than 3hrs at a stretch (and frequently time between breaks is less) Not that I am complaining about this.
I'm enjoying it (not really because it's easy-going) but because the people are nice, the customers are almost always nice and... well...
books! lots of books! yippee! :-D

One downside is finding so many books to read that I'll still be getting through them years later, and ending up with hideous overdue item fines. To avoid this fate, I'm trying to limit myself to taking home no more than one item per day. Ok so it's not really a downside. It's actually pretty cool because I run across books I probably never would have found otherwise.

If there is a downside I guess it would be that my feet usually get sore by the end of the day - I think I need some better shoes.


In other news...
I have no other news. Not much else has happened to me lately. Went to the movies with Mum and my brother yesterday to see "Miss Pettigrew lives for a day". It was cute. I liked it (but brother didn't). The story was a little light on substance but I didn't really care. Frances what-ever-her-name-is who played Miss Pettigrew was very good in the lead role.

Happy Mother's Day to Mum for yesterday. You are awesome and I love you.

Job update

I'm having a bit of trouble with expressing what I want to say at the moment. I came in to use the internet specifically for the purpose of writing a particular post - the one I wanted to write on Sunday - but I keep putting off getting started. I've been here for over an hour now and I told myself I'd go home at 7pm. I have done a few other things that I needed to get done - like send off my registration form for the Earth Carers Training course - but mostly I've been browsing randomly through the New Scientist blogs.

They have about half a dozen all up, devoted to specific things (technology, space, invention,... etc). You will probably not be surprised to hear that my favourite is the environment one.

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The new job is going well. I've done 2 days so far and today I have the day off. After monday I was feeling a bit uncertain about it, but I enjoyed yesterday a lot more. There's a lot to learn. I had no idea how much behind the scenes stuff goes on in a library. From a borrowers perspective you'd think it's just checking out/in books and helping people find information but actually you mostly only do that when you're rosted on the circulation desk - which is usually only 2hrs per day (or sometimes 4hrs). Also they've got probably the most complex computer systems (plural emphasis) I've ever used. And to think I thought Booknet was complicated when I was in my previous job.

I think I'm getting the hang of the circulation desk stuff fairly quickly - but I reckon it'll probably take weeks/months to learn all the other stuff. That's ok though, because I like learning. Also the backroom tasks are divided up between the library officers on a roster system, which means that you do the same set of tasks for 6 months and the everyone rotate to another set. This is good because it means I only have to learn 1/6 of the things immediately (there's a new rotation starting next week) and the rest can wait until later. My background working in the bookshop, being a regular library user, and as books on wheels volunteer helps quite a lot. I would be really lost without it instead of looking forward to all the new things to learm. (but I probably wouldn't have got the job without it, anyway.)

I'm still feeling a little like I don't quite fit in. I think this is mostly because of being so new there but there are a few other factors:
1) I am, I estimate, at least 2 decades younger than the combined average age of the other people working there. I haven't met all the casuals yet but so far I've only met one other person who's within a decade of my own age. Well... possibly within a decade, given that I don't actually know how old he is. Everyone seems really nice and friendly, just... I don't know what I'm trying to say. They are all really nice.
2) I don't follow the footy and it appears that the footy is one of the major bonding factor between most of them. I am lost in conversations about football - apparently something really tragic happened last weekend...?

I expect the sense of not quite fitting in will disappear once I've got used to things. And I'm enjoying it regardless. I think I will enjoy working in a library. I guess it's just a little odd being younger (by a long way) than almost everyone else I work with. But it's not really a bad "odd".

I need to get some more work clothes too. Apparently denim is not acceptable. Nor sleeveless tops. Other than that we can wear what we want, but I only have 2 pairs of pants that seem suitable. And most of my jumpers are old and a bit too scruffy looking to wear to work I think. Good Sammy's, here I come... :-P

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It's late. I don't know if this "sunday's post" is ever going to get written. I need to get home and make dinner (quite very probably ratatouille) before Spicks & Specks and going to dancing.

Hey cool, Gilkison's have got themselves a new website.

-blank-

Arrgh! I need more time. I came in here with about a dozen things to blog about, but am clearly not going to get them all done before the library shuts in 25min. And then I got distracted by Avaaz's petition about the world food crisis and wrote a post about that instead. Which is a good thing because I think it's important, but also was not what I had planned to write about.

I started out blogging about one of the topics, but wasn't really getting anywhere with trying to express what I wanted to say, so I ditched it. Guess they'll all have to wait until later - if they get done at all.

Also there are people talking nearby which always gets to me a bit, because I find it distracting and hard to focus on what I'm doing. More frequently nowadays, when this happens, I'll go over and politely asks them to go talk somewhere else, but with the library closing in 10mins, there doesn't seem much point. It also annoys me that the library staff rarely do anything about it even if the people making noise are near them. One of the reasons I like using the library is because it is quiet (mostly).

World Food Crisis

I just signed an Avaaz petition to G8, UN and EU leaders regarding the world food crisis.

If you'd like to sign the petition too, here is the link:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/world_food_crisis/9.php

Before I followed that link and watched several of the videos on the Avaaz site, I had no idea that the crisis situation was so severe. I watched two videos, the one that comes up immediately when you follow the link, which has Sierra Leone's foreign minister, Zainab Bangura, who explains that 90% of the people in her country cannot afford the price of a bag of rice. A bag of rice!

Then I watched the second video which was a 10min interview with Raj Patel, the author of Stuffed and Starved - the hidden battle for the world food system. This interview was interesting yet scary (because of the issues we're facing) at the same time. I've decided to chase up his book after listening to him.

I encourage you to inform yourself on this issue, and sign Avaaz's petition if you support their position.

About Avaaz: (taken from their website)
Avaaz.org is an independent, not-for-profit global campaigning organization that works to ensure that the views and values of the world's people inform global decision-making. (Avaaz means "voice" in many languages.) Avaaz receives no money from governments or corporations, and is staffed by a global team based in London, Rio de Janeiro, New York, Paris, Washington DC, and Geneva.

I support them because I think what they do is important and I believe they get results. Across the world, international decisions are often shaped by political agendas or unaccountable corporations rather than human rights, or sustainability considerations. Avaaz aims to close the gap between the world we have, and the world most people everywhere want, by being the "voice" of the people in the ear of global leaders. So when I agree with what Avaaz is campaigning for, I add my voice to theirs by signing their petition and telling others about it.

You can read more about Avaaz here

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And just for the record in case anyone's wondering, they don't spam you with emails, if you join their mailing list. I get roughly one or two per week from them about their campaigns.

Earth Carers

Last night I went to a meeting about becoming an Earth Carer. Earth Carers are a not-for-profit community group that help to raise awareness of how people can help the environment by reducing, reusing and recycling waste. Earth Carers teach people about composting/recycling options via the media or stalls at events including Gardening Week and the Perth Royal Show.

One statistic that I read somewhere in their info last night was that the equivalent of Subiaco Oval filled to 1.5 times the height of the goal posts with wastegoes to landfill at Tamala Park each year. And that's just the from the residents in Cambridge, Stirling, Perth, Joondalup, Vincent and Victoria Park. Where the other Perth residents' waste goes, I don't know.

I put my name down to do their free Earth Carers training course which is starts on the 13th May.

Josh Byrne from Gardening Australia was at the meeting as a special guest speaker. I don't watch Gardening Australia but it was actually really interesting hearing him speak. Most of the examples he used were taken from his place in South Freo - his worm farm in an old bathtub, his chicken tractor, the greywater system for watering the garden, and the rainwater tank under the decking. Clearly he walks the talk, practices what he preaches, etc

One example that particularly stuck in my mind is that a 3,500 litre rainwater tank if used to flush the toilet and running the washing machine all through the wet months, can save around 40,000 litres of water each year. This is slightly different to conventional thinking which says get a rainwater tank to water the garden with . But as Josh pointed out, getting a rainwater tank for this purpose means it's full/overflowing in winter when you don't need it, and rapidly runs out in summer when you do. By using the rainwater tank, at the time of year when it's frequently being refilled, it's like putting water in the bank for the summer (by using less in winter and allowing our dams to fill up more). Interesting. Apparently it's also quite easy to install a mains backed-up system like he's got and what with water conservation being such a hot topic at the moment, you can even get a government rebate for it.


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5 out of the 8 library applications I put in, have called me regarding an interview. This is good although the last three I've had to turn down as I'm starting my new job on Mon. Yay!

It's an average of 30hrs a week - Mon, Tue, Thur, Fri and every second Sat morning. I'm looking forward to it. I met about half the people who work there the day before yesterday and they all seem really nice.

Caution: Ferret on board

This is a mishmash post.

Yesterday I walked past a car with a 'ferret on board' bumper sticker. However unusual this may be, that was not the sticker that caught my attention. This one, which has caused much puzzlement ever since, said "Ferrets are like potato chips. You can never just have one"

Hmm... Interesting. My chemistry lecturer many years ago used to tell us that chemistry is like ferrets. So therefore I have realised that the following conclusion can be drawn:

chemistry = ferrets = potato chips

Well I don't know about you, but I know which one I'd rather eat.

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A cat tried to hijack my car yesterday. Thankfully I managed to persuade it to let me have my car back. I'm serious, if exaggerating a little. I pulled up in my friends driveway to pick her up and got out my car. Before I could shut the door this cat jumps in. It was a black cat and it was really dark so I wasn't entirely sure what had happened until I reached in, turned the light on and saw Mr Kitty was making himself comfortable on my passenger seat.

Right.

We had words, lots of shoeing motions and eventually I managed to persuade him to get out again.

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There is a blog on here with the name of Insult Swordfighting - Where everyone fights like a dairy farmer. I saw it on Blogger's 'Blogs of Note' list. Just reading the name brings back memories, even if his blog doesn't really have much to do with Monkey Island. No idea what I'm talking about? I tell you you have missed out by not experiencing The Secret of Monkey Island and it's three sequels, some of the best adventure games ever. Who could forget insult swordfighting?

You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

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I have made myself a beanie. It's blue and fuffy and I'm overly proud of it *grin*
I'd post a picture except I don't have a working camera anymore.

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So you think you can dance finale tonight. wheee! Go Jack! :-D

This is me, This is who I am

I really can't seem to write what I want to say today.

There is so much. Yesterday I thought about lots of things and composed posts in my head. But today nothing flows. I've spent 40min getting nowhere.

Anyway here's the gist of it:

1. I want to apologise in greater depth for my outburst on Monday.
I am sorry about that. I had something I wanted to say but the way I expressed it was pretty terrible. I was coming from a place of anger and bitterness and I directed that towards people who had done nothing worse than invite me to something. They didn't deserve that and I know that they are generally very considerate people who wouldn't intentionally make me feel left out. I regretted saying it later, when I got home, because I knew it was uncalled for. I apologised next time I got on here (wed) but now I don't feel that was enough. So if you are one of the people I directed that at, I want you to know that I am sorry.

2. And the truth is that I do feel left out at times. I know this isn't anyone else's fault. It's just that living with food allergies is both frustrating and alienating when it comes to social event/gatherings. In our culture, as with others, people often bond over food - and when you can't eat those things it's hard. I am frequently tempted to avoid food related social events because:
option A - sitting around watch people eat is a bit alienating, especially when you do it not once, but at almost every social event you go to.
option B - trying to sort out something I can eat too is frustrating for me and bothersome for others. Bringing my own is time-consuming and not always an option (when was the last time you went to a restaurant or cafe that was happy for you to BYO food?)
option C - just eating it anyway, means (in my case) writing off the rest of the evening to feeling bleh.

3. This blog is an exercise in visibility. That is one of my main aims in keeping it. Probably the main reason. So what does that mean? I wrote a little piece in my head about that yesterday. I'll see if I can do it justice...

This is me, This is who I am.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Sometimes it's scary baring my life and reactions to it in this blog. In public where anyone could read it. Exposing myself to the scrutiny of the world.
I don't know how many people actually read this but the thing is anyone could. Potentially. And that's a bit scary.

I worry sometimes that I'll lose friends by doing this. Or that I might make people hate me by what I say. I know that sometimes I express things badly. If I write when I'm stressed or upset for example. But I've made a commitment to this. A commitment to stop hiding my whole self. A commitment to always express a thing if it needs to be said. And to never settle for writing anything less than the truth. This is what I mean by visibility. So despite my fear that I might get myself into trouble, I am endeavouring to live this promise i made to myself.

I had to review my commitment to visibility recently and I came to the following conclusion:
If I lose friends by doing this, than so be it.
I hope that won't happen, but I would rather lose friends by being true to myself, than lose myself in order to maintain the good opinion of others.
If I cause people to hate me by what I say, than so be it.
I hope that won't happen, but I would rather have others hate me for speaking my truth, than hate myself for speaking an untruth or remaining silent when something needs be spoken.

I further commit to always endevouring to speak the truth with love. In a way that respects others and hurts no-one. I will no doubt make mistakes with this, however I will try my best.

This is me, This is who I am.

4. Thanks and acknowledgements
Neale Donald Walsch, God, and the Conversations with God books. My heartfelt thanks forever and always
Christopher Howard's Performance Revolution training.
Thia
Mum

Da Vinci Machines Exhibition

I'm sure some of my friends will be interested in this:

Leonardo Da Vinci Machines Exhibition

From the website:
Experience the incredible inventions of Leonardo da Vinci come to life in this outstanding interactive exhibition of finely crafted machines by the internationally acclaimed Artisans of Florence - Teknoart.

The Exhibition presents over sixty machines based on the original drawings of Leonardo da Vinci, featuring his amazing flying machines, nautical, hydraulic and architectural innovations, groundbreaking applications of civil engineering and incredible war machines.

I've spoken to someone who went and he said that it was good but he wouldn't say it's a "must see". Then again he's someone who's possibly considering going to the Perth Motor Show - so I think it's fair to say we have quite different interests.

I still want to go in any case, but am waiting until I start earning money again before I go to anything that's not free. Fortunately the exhibition runs until mid July.

If you want to go let me know, and we'll arrange a time once I start working :-)

Something else I want to go to once I'm earning again is Silvers Circus - why? just because really. I try to get to every circus performance that coming to Perth. It probably won't compare with Cirque du Soleil, but some of the acts look good. Any takers?

:-)

Interviewing is exhausting. I was buggered for the rest of the day yesterday once they were both done. But they went well. I was very satisfied with how I went. Proof it went well arrived today in the form of a phone call from library 2.

Now I have to pass a pre-employment medical which I have organised for monday. I laugh at the pre-employment medical checklist, which includes, among other things:
Can you please determine if the applicant is physically able to do the following actions?

• stand for long periods of time up to 2 hours
• carry a small load of books (approximately 5 books)
• repetitive use of a handheld scanner to checkout and return books

?!?

I can see this is going to be a tough job. lol

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I apologise for my grumpiness on Monday. Sorry everyone.

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I stand by my comments about the fur-lined boots. And would also like pants... and a jacket... and... Possibly I have defective internal body temperature control or something, but a few days ago I was freezing and it's not even May. This is sad.

Anyone know of any shops that might sell such things?

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I'd like to acknowledge Kmart Tyre and Auto, West Perth. Earlier today, I just dropped in and the guy supplied and fitted two rear brake lights for my car. And then wouldn't take any payment for it. Now I imagine that the light globes don't cost much. But it was nice of them regardless. So, thanks Kmart Tyre and Auto. Extra special thanks, because this is not the first time they have been nice to me either.

Not much to say really

One book I recommend in light of my last post:
Animal, vegatable, miracle - Barbara Kingsolver. An excellent book, interesting story about one family's experience eating local produce for a year, and a great introduction to the issues and facts around conventional/global vs organic/local food. Read it!
There's others, I just can't think of them right now

All I want this winter is a pair of fur-lined boots. Really.
I hate being cold.

Some things that have been annoying me a little lately:
1. Facebook and these computers >:-(
2. The way social events almost always seem to revolve around food
Is it small of me to be annoyed that not one of the three events my friends have organised for this weekend will have food I can eat? Probably it is ridiculous for me to be bothered by it, but, well, I am. I feel left out. And I feel justified in skipping one. What's the point of going to a fondue night when you can't eat cheese or chocolate? I might as well go to dancing instead.
3. The cold, and the fact that my flat is not much warmer than outside.

I really should go home and have some dinner rather than hanging around in the library. And then get on with get all my stuff together and going to bed early, so I don't have to panic madly tomorrow morning. (or at least not too much)

Two library job interviews tomorrow. Fingers crossed they go well. Please God let them go well.

SYTYCD:
I'd prefer Jack or Rhys to win, but I don't really care. All four of them are such amazing dancers and so deserving of being "Australia's favourite dancer"
I can't believe it's almost over... What am I going to do with my sunday nights after this sunday's grandfinal?

I'm hungry, somewhat grumpy and a bit worried about these interviews tomorrow. It really is time to go home.

Good planets are hard to find

One of the things that I think is really important is sustainability. In all areas of life - we cannot go on as we have been going, that much is clear. An often quoted statistic is that if everyone on Earth lived the same way as Americans (or Australians), we would need something like 3 (or 5) extra habitable planets to support all of us. I forget the exact number given - but I'll look it up and update it. In the lack of any handy life-supporting planets around (other than this one we live on), the only option is to reduce our impact on the world.

Where to start? I get discouraged sometimes - that with so much to be done - how can I, just one person, make a difference. But such thinking can only hinder my ability to help so I try to get over it quickly when it happens. Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Gandhi - how much poorer would this world be, if they had thought that one person wouldn't be able to make a difference?

I think what is needed most is an attitude shift. A pretty major one, to be honest. This culture we live in encourages wastefulness. I'm starting to see the start of a shift. There is more and more information in the media about sustainability, climate change, local food options, etc than ever before. Mainstream media is catching on, no longer are these topics only written about in Nova or Living Now style publications. It's encouraging, but will it be enough? Only time will tell...

I have to log off now but in future posts I'll get down to some of the specifics - exposing my lifestyle for scrutiny on how green (or un-green) it is and profiling green local businesses that I want to encourage support for. Ultimately I'd like to set a website - specific to green options in Perth. There's lots of great information out there but I haven't (yet) seen anything like what I want to do.

Facebook woes

Facebook is annoying me. Or maybe it's these computers in the uni library. I didn't used to have this problem, perhaps the uni has worked out a way of stopping people from using facebook without actively blocking it. It's really annoying, in any case. Basically I log in to facebook whether from the main website or via clicking through a link in my email, and it works for a little while and after a bit it just stops working like it's frozen or something. Any link I click on within facebook, it pretends it's changing to the new page by putting the symbol that means something's happening, but it just keeps sending that symbol round and round, the page never actually changes. Sometimes it freezes almost immediately after logging in, sometimes I'll get to look at a dozen or so pages first. It's very frustrating. Stupid thing.

Why it happens I don't know. I'd assume if the uni wanted to stop people using facebook, they'd just block it. So it's probably not a delibrate issue. I can't really email student internet support and complain though. I guess I should just get around to getting my phone fixed as mum's been(not so politely) telling me to do so on a regular basis for the past several months.

Rambling Thoughts

This morning, and last night, I was feeling lonely. (I'm feeling better now)

I didn't used to get lonely much at all. When I first moved in to my flat, people always used to ask me if I got lonely living by myself or tell me they'd go insane if they had to live on their own. My answer was always along the lines of 'no, actually I like living on my own'. I was usually so busy doing stuff that I didn't have time to feel lonely.

Over 18 months down the track now, and I'm thinking I'd like to live with someone. It'd be a nice change I think. Admitedly I am rather... what's the word? ...I would give it a lot of thought before moving in with someone. Having my own space is still very important to me, I think it'd be nice to have someone else around at times. It'd have to be someone I got on with well though.

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Sometimes I feel like such a social klutz. Generally I think I do pretty well now. Certainly I'm a hundred times better than I used to be. A couple of days ago, I read back over my high school reports for the first time in years. It was... interesting? eye-opening? even. Boy have I come a long way.

Now I have good (or at least reasonably good) interpersonal and communication skills. I can make small talk. I can start conversations with random people, where I have no need or even a reason to talk them - the standing in line at the supermarket kind of situation. I never would have done that a couple of years ago. I'm no longer terrified by the prospect of public speaking. And indeed, have given presentations and enjoyed it where 10 years ago I skipped school to get out of one. Similarly, I've got over what was to me at one point a very scary hurdle, in that now I can even ask guys to dance. (that said I still prefer them to ask me).

At some point last year I got called talkative and bubbly in the same week (by two separate people). At the time I was amazed - those are not adjectives I would have considered associating with myself - and yet I could pass for outgoing with people I didn't really know at all - wow! That was pretty cool.

Now I've forgotten what I was going to say in the first place - spending so much time focusing on the improvements I've made :-) It was good because it reminded me that, even though I still feel like a complete klutz in some social situations and I just want to go bury my head in the sand, I have come a long way.

So the remaining situations to master:
guys I find attractive, people who I really admire but don't know very well, and the odd person that I just can't work out what to talk to them about.
The latter I'm not that fussed about, it can be awkward occasionally but I'm ok with not winning them all. The others i'd like to get over. Sooner rather than later, preferably.

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Enough rambling. In other news...

8 library applications later, and one of them has finally rang me and asked me to come in for an interview. Yay!
It's on Tuesday morning. Wish me luck. It's one of the earliest applications I put in too, so that gives me hope that some of the others might also ring me. Fingers crossed.

SYTYCD addiction update:

Sunday
Natalie B "Which of these two girls will join Kate and Rhys in our top 4 dancers..."
Overly long dramatic pause.
(NB counts to 10 under her breath 1 2 3 4 5)
Me "Demi! Demi! Come on Demi! Demi!"
Natalie B (opens envelope 6 7 looks inside 8 9)
Me "Go Demi! resorts to begging... Pick Demi! pleeease pick Demi."
Natalie B (9.5 9.75 10) "It's Demi! Congratulations Demi"
Me "whoohoo! yeah! whoohoo! Yay!"

The same process was repeated "just after the break" for Jack... One wonders if I'm taking this just a little too seriously perhaps? :-P

Jack, Kate, Demi and Rhys made it into the top 4. I'm stoked because I think they are the ones who deserve to be there the most. But I will miss Graeme. He had so much 'heart' in his dancing, particularly in his contemporary routines.

but wait, there's more

Number of things I could add to yesterday's blog post:
hundreds

Number of geriatrics I passed driving their electric buggy things on the road, while I was driving to/from the Mount Claremont farmer's markets yesterday:
2

Number of times I've wanted to move out of my current flat in past couple of months:
lots

Number of flats/shared houses I've looked at in same period of time:
nil
(I considered it best to find a more permanent job first)

One thing I wish I spent less time doing:
watching tv

Two things I wish I did more often:
1. Dance
2. Catch up with friends

Three things I could have gone to today, rather than tidying up my flat a bit and writing in my blog:
1. Joondalup Festival
2. Buddha's Birthday Festival
3. Castaway Sculpture Awards Exhibition in Rockingham

Four things I think are important:
1. Sustainability
2. Doing what you love
3. Compassion
4. Integrity

Five items I got out the library today:
1. Cities for a Small Planet - Richard Rogers
2. Subiaco Sustainable Demonstration Home dvd
3. Jamie Oliver Happy Days Tour video
4. Stravaganza City of Masks - Mary Hoffman (YA fiction)
5. A travel autobiography about moving to Rome, who's title and author I can't remember

Life update

Number of library jobs I will have applied for over the past 3 weeks at the close of business on Monday:
7

Number of nights I have spent at my place in the past 3 weeks:
9

Number of nights I have spent at Mum or Dad's places down south in same period of time:
13

Current food restrictions:
No dairy, yeast, sugar, alcohol.
Also problematic (weirdly!) - apple cider vinegar, pinenuts, grapes
butter ok. sugar in really really minimal amounts ok.
marinated sheeps milk feta not ok (sadly as was very yummy)

Things I miss eating:
Nothing really. Initially used to miss chocolate/junk food/cheese/etc but I've got over that now.
What I miss is being able to just go out and get takeaway without worrying about what's in it. Being able to buy packaged stuff without having to read the label every time. Did you know even breadcrumbs have milk solids in them?!?

Current (minor) addiction:
So you think you can dance Australia

Current celebrity crush:
Jack from So you think you can dance
Because he's an awesome dancer!
he seems like a really nice guy,
and I think he's cute.

Current real life crush:
don't have one

Number of times I have watched Jack and Kate's Spiderman quickstep from last Sunday on the so you think you can dance website:
4

Number of time I've watched Jemma and Rhys' waltz from week 1 on aforementioned website:
countless

Two things I am pleased about:
1. Kevin Rudd telling the Chinese government to opening peace talks with Tibet
2. That there are now 2 good farmers markets within a 20min drive from my place. City Farm Organic Growers Market. And now a farmer direct market at Mount Claremont Primary School

Number of other random things I could count, if the library wasn't kicking me out in 5 mins:
Who knows?

Life

I dropped honours today officially - no turning back. I feel kind of sad about it right now, but I know it was the right decision.


What am I going to do now?

That's a bit of a big question. I've applied to work at a couple of libraries (Nedlands and Bayswater) and I've got applications for others that I want to customise and send in. There are a couple of other jobs that I'm planning to apply for too.

I don't know if this is really what I want to do, though a library job would be really cool. I love books, I like helping people, and I'm good with technology - what more would there be to it? It seems like it'd be a pretty easy going job, which I think would be good.

When I went down to Mum's place over Easter, I really didn't want to come back to Perth. It was so nice and relaxing down there. I seem to be a bit low on resilience recently (possibly being quite sick yesterday is colouring my perceptions on this). I guess another option is to move back down there.

Financially, I've got probably about another fortnight before I'll need to find work urgently. If all else fails, I can see if the supermarket I used to work at will take me back - they're almost always looking for staff. This I know is not really what I want to do with my time.


Other thoughts:

Last weekend I did a Neuro-Training (previously Educating Alternatives Kinesiology) workshop called Financial Freedom (can't seem to find any infomation about this online although that could be due to the fact I found their website rather confusing to navigate). Basically it was about getting rid of unsupportive patterns or stresses you may have around finances. We looked at things like your financial threshold - how much money you are comfortable handling at one time, the stress around money symbols such as $, why you should never set your prices to end with a zero and lots more that I couldn't possibly explain in a couple of sentences. It was really fascinating and it made a lot of sense.

I've found myself wondering if I can do something with it (ie give consultations). This is part (a small part) of the kind of kinesiology my mum does - that people pay her $100/hr for. Of course she knows a lot more than just this one course, she's been studying these things for longer than I've been alive. I don't know if that's what I want to do though either. Guess I should do some practice and see if I actually like it, as just because I found the course fascinating doesn't mean I'd like working on people. So... any guinea pigs out there? No charge - but if you get good results you have to send me paying clients (if I decide I want paying clients, that is)


Other, other thoughts:

Recently I've become more aware and passionate about the need for green food after reading Barbara Kingsolver's book. Not green in the broccoli and spinach etc variety but 'green' in the sense of environmentally sustainable. I'd like to do something with this knowledge and this feeling that this is important. Very important.

I've been reading other books that also speak of the need of a global shift - a new paradigm. I agree with them and again I'd like to do something. I can recommend the books to people - I did that today - but what else? Are there actually jobs in these kind of fields? Maybe there are... I should do some research.


Other, other, other thoughts:

I am good at making written things sound better (mum always gets me to edit her marketing material or anything she is going to send out to her client database). I'm particularly good with advertising copy. I do kind of enjoy it too - depends a bit on what I'm working on. Is this a marketable skill? Actually that's a redundant question as I'm sure it is a marketable skill. What I really want to know is: What can I do with this? What sort of things are there out there that want this?


Other, other, other, other thoughts:

Just kidding =P
That's it for now.

Sweet potato mayhem

My mum (brilliant guru of alternative medicine, that she is) has degreed that I shalt not eat potato. For a couple of weeks at least. Hence I experimented with sweet potatoes in attempt to find somethings to replace the gaping hole in my life caused by a lack of potato =P

I didn't used to be a big fan of sweet potato but I've since realised it's all in how you cook it. So here are two different sweet potato recipes for people who don't really like sweet potatoes.

Sweet Potato Chips (chips like potato chips not hot chips)
I learnt to make these when I worked at a seafood restaurant many many years ago. We used to use them as a garnish and they were delish. Today I figured I'd attempt them at home.

Peel a sweet potato. Get rid of all the skin and then keep peeling. This is probably the easiest way to make thin chips ready for frying - the peeler makes them just the right thickness.

Heat some oil in a small saucepan - a couple of cm deep is enough. You can use any kind oil suitable for frying. Jamie Oliver's tip - put a small chuck of potato in when you turn the heat on and when the potato is golden and floating then the oil's at good temperature for frying.

Line a plate with lots of paper towels for when they come out.

Fry them in batches until the edges of the chips are just starting to brown. Take them out quickly and drain them well. Really well. Sprinkle with salt and try not to eat them all at once.

It takes a bit of trial and error to get the frying right - oil too hot and they go from orange to brown in an instant and end up burnt. Too cool and they don't seem to change at all. The perfect chip is going brown around the edges but still mostly orange (in centre).

I'd post a photo but we've eaten them all already. My brother, who is vehemently opposed to sweet potato, ate all the ones that were left after I'd stuffed my face on them (making myself feel slightly ill in the process). Granted he didn't know what they were at the time, but he certainly liked them.


The yummiest Sweet Potato Mash ever.
I experimented with this last night and it was so good I decided to make it again tonight. Mum's comment was "It's a bit like toffee", and then she took some more. I'll call that a positive response.

Roast some sweet potato
prepare (peel, cut into chunks, toss in oil rosemary S+P)
put in oven ~200, until soft and maybe the corners are going a little brown
turn out on to some paper towel to get rid of any excess oil

Mash with lots of herb butter (or butter and finely chopped fresh parsley)
herb butter: chop finely fresh parsley and mush it in to some butter. Put back in fridge until needed (I made some several days ago because the parsley plants in mum's garden have gone mad and turned into huge bush-like things. Clearly they need to be used. Equally obviously, having made herb butter you then have to find uses for it...)

Eat

Roasting the sweet potato rather than boiling/steaming it, makes the natural sugars in it caramelise and go all yum which is probably what makes this so good... and toffee-like :-)

a trip to the beach and the stegosaurus turtle

Yesterday I went to the beach with two of my friends. It was fun despite not being a huge fan of swimming. My favourite part of the day was building sandcastles. Or rather we built a sand turtle - a stegosaurus turtle. Um... yeah. ??? somehow it just happened.

As we are building the turtle...
Me: hey, look it's got spines
...clearly therefore it must be some kind of weird morph between a stegosaurus and a turtle...and really...those spines could use a bit of work... :D

(photos to follow)

The truth will set you free

This blog is about being me. My attempt to embody the principle of visibility outlined in Conversations with God book 2 by Neale Donald Walsch. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Scary sometimes, but important.

Untitled

Is this what it's like to be depressed?

Giving up things you love. Becoming more and more isolated. Endless plains of nothing. No desire, no motivation, no goals. Feeling worthless. Oceans of tears. Exhaustion. Loneliness. The dream of a better existence fading... fading away.

Moments of beauty, joy, gratitude punctuating a bleak existence. Friends, laughter, books, tv. Escape, forgetting, movement again. Thinking you've turned a corner. Falling in the next hole and realising you were wrong. More tears. Withdrawing even further from the world again.

I don't know. Sometimes, most of the time even (maybe), I feel normal. And yet all of the above is still true. For a given value of true as Terry Pratchett would say.

I'm reminded of that song by Matchbox 20: "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But just wait a while and then you'll see, a different side of me"

I'm scared to post this. It's so public, potentially at least - I have no idea how many people actually read this blog. And always my instinctual reaction when I'm feeling down has been to withdraw from people, to hide myself. So it's scary to put this up here.

Fremantle Street Arts Festival

Coming this Easter long weekend to Perth is the... *cue drumroll*

Fremantle Street Arts Festival

This unique event draws thousands of people to Fremantle to experience the supreme skill and outrageous behaviour of the world's best Buskers.

Take yourself down to Freo on Sat, Sun or Mon and prepare to be amazed. The performers and the things they do are incredible. In the words of the performer descriptions in the program, "WARNING: This show may cause acrobatic amazement. Popeyed take no responsibility for your jaw hitting the floor"

My personal recommendation for "absolute must see" is Pedro Tochas - The Sculpture Clown.
By far the most memorable act from the 2007 street arts festival. I almost missed seeing him, but I'm so glad I didn't. Unique, different, capitivating... and hilarious. We laughed pretty much all the way through his act. I cannot explain how brilliant he was - just go see him perform! I promise you won't regret it.

Oh and please remember this is what the performers do for a living. So please show your support if you like their work.

Bit and pieces from the past few days.

My birthday picnic at the beach yesterday went well. Good food, good company, perfect weather, interesting sculptures (and random ones too). Thank you to everyone who came, it was great having you there. Recipe for the Roasted Vege Salad I made:

1. Roast some veges
(potato, sweet potato, pumpkin, beetroot, cut into bitesize pieces, toss with extra virgin olive oil, crushed garlic, S+P, rosemary and thyme, then roast in oven ~200C until done)
2. Let them cool
3. In a bowl put baby spinach leaves, the roasted veges, and dress with a honey mustard salad dressing
(extra virgin olive oil, fresh lemon juice, S+P, honey, wholegrain mustard)
4. Can serve immediately, but it's better if it's left for a little while before serving.

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Sculpture by the Sea Cottesloe 2008

My favourite sculpture was "fossil" by Julia Adzuki and Mark Szulgit. From a distance it looked a bit like a clear glass pillar with some cloudy bits inside it. When you got up close you could see that some of the cloudy bits were spiky little spheres, and others were long and thread-like. The whole thing was actually in 6 vertical layers yet the objects inside continued from one layer to the next almost seamlessly. It was fascinating and I'd love to know how they create it.

Despite looking around at length on the internet, I haven't been able to find a photo of it except on someone's flicker account here. But it was also at last year's Bondi exhibition so I probably have some photos on Mum's computer which I'll put up when I go down to her place over Easter.
There wasn't anything this year that captured my heart as much as last year's Nautilus but here are some of the other pieces I liked:


Top: Evolution -David Carstairs (photo Gordana Kezic)
Bottom: Time frame - Derek Roach (photo Mark Coddington)

ps. if you fancy yourself a budding sculptor, they're currently calling for submissions for the Bondi exhibition in October.

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In other news: On Thursday night my brother came round and cooked me dinner! How cool is that? Well, I thought it was pretty cool - I can't remember if anyone's ever come over and cooked dinner for me in my own flat before. Certainly not in recent memory at least.

Ok so I had fed him the past 2 times he'd come over, between him finishing soccer training and going to work at nightfill - so it wasn't completely out of the blue. But it was still cool.

14 000 miles across the ocean

My mum emigrated to Australia from England when she was 19. Rather than do the usual thing and hop on one of those great big P&O liners, she and her dad sailed themselves here. Yes, really. All the way from England, just the two of them. On a 26 foot yacht.

She's telling the story of their journey here:
http://14000milesacrosstheocean.blogspot.com/

Check it out, it's fascinating. And if you enjoy reading it, please leave comments to encourage her to keep writing.


...oh and the title and subtitle were my idea - is it sad to admit I'm very proud of coming up with them? Well I think they're catchy at least :-P

Apparently I am getting older again soon...

Certain friends have reminded me that my birthday is less than 2 weeks away... How is it that my birthday always manages to sneak up on me like this?

Said friends were also rather vocal about "doing something" for it. I wasn't hugely enthused at the time because, well to be honest I wasn't really enthused about anything at the time. And anyway I'm not really into going out/drinking/dancing thing anymore (ballroom/salsa excepted of course). There's always going out to dinner but... meh.

What I'd like to do (weather permitting) is have a picnic at the beach next weekend. Kind of short-ish notice for people but the weekend after my birthday is Easter so that's out. I was going to go down to Cott next weekend anyway for the Sculpture by the Sea exhibition. It'd be nice to have company. And I like picnics.

So... the main stuff:

Sat 15th March
12 noon - whenever
Cottesloe Beach - somewhere on the grassed bit
Bring a plate of food to share, and a picnic rug/chairs to sit on.
BYO drinks.
Everyone I know welcome so if I've forgotten to invite someone, feel free to invite them on my behalf - chances are I didn't have a way to contact them. Partners ok.

Please rsvp (email/sms/facebook) by Thursday as I need to book the beach :P
(j/k - sorry, private in joke - actually I'd like an idea of how many paper plates/cups etc to pick up)

A few further details:
Presents not required.
I don't eat dairy products (sole exception: butter), avocado or anything really spicy - so if you want me to be able to appreciate your wonderful cooking skills (or "buying ready made stuff from the supermarket" skills), you might want to keep that in mind.
If raining - I don't know, I don't have a back-up plan. My place is too small to host any kind of party. Defer to Sunday perhaps?

I'm not going to put my contact details up here, I think anyone who might come should know at least one way to get through to me. My internet access is a bit limited at the moment, so email/facebook probably won't get a very quick reply but I will make sure to check them every couple of days.

Facebook event here

Sculpture by the Sea

Swannen - Niall David Begley, SXS Cottesloe 2007. Photo by Karen Castle

Sculpture by the Sea Cottesloe 2008 is on now until the 18th March. This is a free outdoor art exhibition where sculptors from all over the world exhibit their work on Cottesloe beach.

I highly recommend it. I went with a friend last year and we really enjoyed it. Sometimes we were like, "What on earth is that meant to be?" but that was half the fun really - trying to work out what the sculptor was thinking. And there were so many brilliant pieces.

My favourite piece was Nautilus by Adje Lucien Ruiz (New Caledonia). This piece was based on the famous fictional submarine in Jules Verne's Twenty thousand leagues under the sea. The detail inside and out was incredible. Looking in through the windows you could see things like a bookshelf with classic books and a chemistry set, a table with a bottle of wine and two glasses, a replica of a piano organ, and of course the old fashioned cockpit with it's big dials and mysterious levers. The picture doesn't really do it justice.

Nautilus - Adje Lucien Ruiz, SXS Cottesloe 07. Photo by Karen Castle.

Lift, plonk - Chi Phan, SXS Bondi 07. Photo by Josephine Conrey

Images courtesy of http://www.sculpturebythesea.com/

I'm planning to go next weekend and I'm really looking forward to it.

Edit: Some of my pictures of inside the Nautilus