Jess is not sure what to write...

I dragged myself down to the library this evening to write in my blog, because I knew I'm not likely to get another chance to do so until next wednesday at the earliest. But now I'm here I'm not sure what I'm going to write about. I could, of course, hang around mindlessly on facebook instead, but I do that often enough anyway. I guess I also felt kind of compelled to post something because I didn't want to leave my latest update as my last post for too long. At the time the pain was real - very real - but as it fades with time and distance, it's... no longer such an accurate representation of who I am at this moment. A blog post is a lot more permanent - or rather, a human being is a lot more changeable than this written record shows. Even facebook status updates can't keep up :-)

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So with this space, how is my life now?

Um... it's ok. Generally things are fairly good (fri night/sat morn excepted), but I often have this nagging sensation that something's missing or not quite right. I can't really put my finger on what it is, I have a few ideas but none I am willing to mention here and now. It's like the feeling of being in limbo in a way. Why? I don't know. I feel like I need a holiday too.

Work has signed me off my probation period and on to permanent, or whatever they call it. It's um... good. People often ask me how it's going and I'm never really sure what to say... It's a good job. I like it. A lot more than any of my previous jobs. The people are nice. The hours are good - I really like working only almost fulltime, having every wednesday off is good. Um... Not sure what else to say really. Possibly it's not challenging enough or something... - it's pretty easy-going - which I liked at first but now I wonder. Maybe I am starting to get bored. I mean there are always interesting books to look at but... *shrugs* I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don't know if I am any closer to working out what I want to do. I told myself I'd give this a year at least and then re-evaluate so yeah. I think I'd want something that stimulates me more. I know that there are some parts of it I like a lot more than others. Things like creating posters/displays, doing up the new booklists. Discussing ways to get people more involved with the library. The idea of maintaining a library blog. I also like it when I'm learning new things but then when it becomes routine, I'm not so enthused. I like variety in my work. And yet I've considered, and tried many different things but still can't work out what I want to do. Yet again I'm trying something I thought I might want to do, and once again it's not quite right.

well... I'll work it out one day I guess.
And really, it's not a bad job for now. Not in the slightest.